by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 31, 2015 | Featured, Life
Image courtesy of LiveLifeHappy.com
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 22 of 31-Growth and Imperfection
When I look back at what I have shared so far, I realized that it is a testament to growth, imperfection, and limitations. I promised you 31 days of me and you got 22 days. A little dishonest, perhaps- but it wasn’t on purpose. I aimed for 31 days until I realized that doing this would mean two things:
1) I would be writing 7 days a week. Which after writing 5 days per week I was completely drained and needed recharge. I’m an introvert and this is what happens. Not an excuse, but the truth.
2) I was also participating BlogHer’s March NaBloPoMo challenge. They only require writing Monday through Friday. In other words, I would have been doing more than what was required or truthfully needed.
Here’s what I have learned:
There are limits to how much I can share of myself. I had an idea, I shared, I discussed and realized some limitations in the interim, but most importantly I showed up. I did the best I could. I am imperfectly, limited and growing through my work, life and all the experiences in between. I know where I’ve been and how it informs who I am today. I have some ideas of who and what I want to be in the future; but recognize that even that vision has limitations. My roots are deep and my branches are growing in many different directions. That is after-all both the mystery and zest of life.
I hope you have taken away nuggets from this series that you can use in your own life. That was my sole intention and if I accomplished at least that- nothing else matters.
In case you missed any of the posts in the series, here is a comprehensive list of them all:
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Time
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Living With Purpose
31 Days, 32 Revelations: The Distraction of Ignorance
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Silent Sentinel
31 Days, 32 Revelations: A Little Bit of Faith
31 Days, 32 Revelations: A World of Dishonesty
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Green-Eyed Bandits
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Digital Snobbery
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Chin Up, Dear!
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Blossoming In Time
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Knowing When To Move On
31 Days, 32 Revelations: What Checks and Balances?
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Playing The Game Is Played Out
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Ask Questions Even If It Kills You
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Innovation Ego
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Life Data
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Striving For Quality of Life
31 Days, 32 Revelations: Happily Different
Czarina’s Lesson: Growth is a journey not a destination.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 25, 2015 | Featured, Life
Image courtesy of DesignUrge.com
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 18 of 31- Happily Different
People that have known me my entire life or the better portion of my life will usually have one thing to say about me consistently. That thing is: “I am wise beyond my years or as one of my dearest friends says “I was grown from the gate.” I have always had sensibilities, knowledge and common sense about things that were beyond what most would expect from someone my age. Perhaps it is a gift or maybe I have been here before if you believe in that kind of thing. I will say this- it is a sort of purgatory that you live in when you are like me. On the one hand, you think, do and say things that no one else in your age group is prepared for and that can cause you to be alienated or misunderstood by people when you are younger.
As a child, I was never friendless, but I think I was an enigma to many and slightly off-putting. As an adolescent and young adult, I infuriated many older people in my life because I was often reasoning and thinking about things on a level that they weren’t able to being 10, 20, 30 years older than me. Even now as I approach my 32nd birthday this week, I find my way of thinking is an acquired taste.
That said, what is abundantly clear to me is being wise beyond my years really just boils down to me being different. I have been happily different for the better part of my existence (sometimes less or more so- I’m human). However, I never cared if people thought I was a nerd or lame, because I was smart. I couldn’t care less when kids had jokes, because I was wearing blazers in the fifth grade when others were wearing well- kids clothes. I’m the gal that hears fun when someone says quirky- I dig unique people. Just the other day, my mom was at my house and I was playing some Afro-Beat tunes and she exclaimed” “what are you listening to?” I simply replied: “Music.”
When I look around, I see a lot of duplicates- people of all ages lost in the sauce and losing the very things that make them unique. It’s sad to watch, because they are essentially crushing the divine gifts they have been given to conform to fads, standards, and trends that are constantly evolving and changing. My message for today is embrace what makes you different. Sure it might be uncomfortable at times when everyone else is copying and keeping up appearances, but think about how free you will feel.
Czarina’s Lesson: I’d rather walk alone in my uniqueness than in a crowd as a clone.
Are you like me? I want to hear from the old souls, quirky, crazy, upside-down thinkers. Let’s celebrate what makes you different.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 24, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Business, Featured, Life, Work/Life
Image courtesy of Pinterest
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 17 of 31- Living Simply
A few years of ups and downs, twists and turns and a few failures will whip you into shape emotionally and personally. It is as if hurdles were strategically placed throughout my journey to provide new insights and perspectives. This has been my life the past few years. Even my horoscope speaks about this “period of renewal” I have been dragged through for the past four years. Allegedly, I am at the end of the cycle and moving into smoother waters now. Good, bad or indifferent, I have figured out that I want to live a simple and peaceful life.
I am convinced that the pace here in the US allows for one scenario for us working Joe’s and Jane’s- you work and work and work, pass go retirement and then you die. I know that sounds terrible, but the reality is we live and work in a country obsessed with work, material possessions and money. Don’t get me wrong I have an appreciation for all three. I just think there is more to life than racing around frenetically trying to be the fastest, the best, or appearing to be successful when all you’re really doing is killing yourself.
Before I started working for myself, my schedule was frenetic and unsustainable. My days went like this:
I was up at 5am. Had to bathe and dress three kids. Drop my two little ones to day care (on days when my husband was held over- my trips were in three because I had to get the oldest to morning care), deal with the daily HR headaches, breast-feed, pump additional milk so I kept enough for home and work, leave work at five pick up the youngest two, then race across town to get my oldest from after-care with sometimes a minute to spare before I was charged a late fee. I would get home have to do homework at 6:30pm- while finding out how school was and cooking dinner. After we read, said prayers and everyone was settled, I started my second job which was to continue building my current business- writing blog posts, creating scopes of work for potential clients, taking client calls and working until approximately 2am many days.
To be fair, I knew my first full year in business was going to be rough because I was working two full-time jobs. Ultimately, my intended rise up the ranks at the day job wasn’t worth it and neither was the paycheck. I have not only gone into business for myself, but I am altering my life for simpler joys these days. I meditate, I’m having fun, I’m more alert and attentive where my children are concerned and I work how and when I want. In return for a simpler life, I made a lot of sacrifices. I never knew that was part of my journey when I left my day job. Apparently, I was due for a complete overhaul.
I am grateful to finally be living and not just existing. I used to feel like I barely had time to enjoy my home (that I pay quite a bit for). Now I’m enjoying it. Life isn’t a complete bed of roses, but I am finding ways to make things simpler and less frenetic for myself -because I deserve a better me and so does my family. I guess I am striving for a better quality of life.
I know I’m not alone in having experienced this frenetic lifestyle that we all have grown accustomed to. To prove my point, check out the chart below from Social Progress Index to see how the U.S. is lagging on quality of life. Pay particular attention to “Health and Wellness” as well as “Tolerance and Inclusion” along with other indicators .
What kinds of things are you doing to make your life simpler?
Czarina’s Lesson: Life should be an inner-body experience not an outer-body experience. Live-don’t just exist.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 23, 2015 | Featured, Society and HR
Image courtesy of Brainy Quote
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 16 of 31- Life Data
There’s a lot of talk about pay equality, race equality, women’s rights etc. Equally, I feel that the rhetoric against equality on all of these fronts is increasingly divisive and disrespectful. Additionally, there is something to be said for what goes unsaid, because that too is an answer. Those that read my posts regularly know I don’t shy away from the tough subjects. I have tackled everything from Sheryl Sandberg’s “Ban Bossy” campaign to “Race Relations in the Workplace”. Each time, I learn a little more about the moral paradigm the U.S operates under.
When I called the NYPD out for not dealing with their race issues, I got responses like: “black people are always complaining” or “black people commit most crimes and if they didn’t situations like Ferguson wouldn’t happen.” When I talked about how I thought Sheryl Sandberg’s “Ban Bossy” and “Lean-In” campaigns were short-sighted, I had a man tell me that “there is no such thing as pay inequity.” In all of these instances, I shared my experiences. The comments and moderate backlash is not something I take personally, but I do have a problem when people confuse “experience” and “opinion”.
If I say I have never experienced being discriminated against, but offer up some thoughts based on what I think being discriminated against is like- that is an opinion. If I have worked in Corporate America as a black woman and been passed up for promotions and paid less than my white counterparts- that my friends is a bonafide experience. It is something I would like to call “life data”. No, it hasn’t been incubated and studied with a proper sampling, controls and variables aligned. However, it is something I have experienced and have unofficially corroborated with other black females across the country in similarly situated positions and everything in between. That said, I have every right to speak about these issues.
We have become so excitable about data and proof, that we forget that even one instance of any event serves as some proof that something has occurred. When we are faced with employee complaints or claims in an organization, they are often singular instances of issues that are dealt with on a case-by case basis. It is those individual complaints that often times lead to larger narratives that have to be investigated. If we were to discount the experience of individuals until we had a collection of people coming forward with the same issue- we would:
1) Be dealing with bigger issues because the employee would probably sue or file an outside claim.
2) We would be catching a problem far too late to the detriment of both the workforce and company.
We have gotten very good at discounting the experiences of others in this country. The sentiment is if it’s not happening to me or anyone I know- it isn’t a problem. While I will agree that some of us humans have a completely skewed and screwed up way of viewing the world, even that phenomenon is life data. Everyday we open our eyes and interact in the world, provides experiences that become data we use to inform our decisions in life.
I tell you all of this to say, I am sick and tired of people telling me and others that what we see and experience isn’t real or is at a minimum “a humble opinion”. Until you have walked a day in another person’s shoes, you have no frame of reference. It is not reasonable to swap their experiences out for your sloppy opinion.
The individuals who risked making the comments above forgot to arm themselves with data. I am happy to note that I didn’t go commando, but instead reminded them of the facts using data; I haven’t heard from them since. Poof be gone!
Czarina’s Lesson: Your lack of experience and understanding, isn’t a reason for me to be both silent and blind.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 19, 2015 | Advice, Career, Featured, Life
Image courtesy of Flickr.com
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 14 of 31- Ask Questions
Questions are more important than we give it credit. In the past I have accepted salary offerings and never once asked if there was room to go higher. My lack of confidence and inability to live with the temporary discomfort that would come as a result of asking for more money cost me thousands of dollars in earnings over the course of my career. A lack of questions is damaging as it leads people to think we are satisfied or even happy with a set of circumstances when we aren’t questioning things. When I didn’t negotiate or ask for raises it gave my superiors a false sense of comfort that I was happy and even satisfied with my work and compensation. By the time, I went to have a serious discussion about my salary they were acted as if I ambushed them with my seemingly out-of-the-blue concerns. I have learned over the years that you get what you ask for. People who negotiate and ask for what they want-usually get it.
The real issue with asking questions isn’t necessarily the question itself, but the answer. There is a fear that the answer may not favor our initial intention of asking the question. No one wants to be seen as a fool or have a request rejected. As such, we sit in silence never knowing what could have been if we only had the courage to simply ask for what we want. When I finally learned the value of a question, things were revealed to me that I wouldn’t have known otherwise . This new knowledge helped me to drive decisions regarding my life and career. When I had enough guts to ask for what I wanted, I was told “no” which pushed me to keep working towards my goals. However, in 50% or more of these instances, I got exactly what I asked for.
That journey to figuring out my purpose that I discussed earlier in the series has only been made possible because I have been asking lots and lots of questions of myself and others the past few years. I see questions as my foundation and the answers as the sails that are steering my ship.
What about you? What sorts of questions are you asking these days to evaluate your life, career, etc?
Czarina’s Lesson: Even if the answer is “no” there is something to be learned and/or gained from asking for what you want.
