Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 11 of 31- Knowing When To Move On
Whether it be people, places or things we all need to know when to move on. Moving on is complicated. There’s emotional attachment, complex circumstances that often times impede the process, but nevertheless you have to be able to see when your season is changing or shifting. When I was younger, I saw the signs that let me know it was time to cut something off, but my actions propelled me to hang in there with people and situations that were already moving on. I was outgrowing them and they were outgrowing me and we were essentially trying to make something last past its time.
Case and point, I had a friend in my 20’s that essentially used me. My mom warned me over and over again that she was a user and manipulator. I knew her requests and taking were consistent with my mom’s warning, but I saw my withdrawal from the friendship as me not being a good friend. In time, my life accelerated at the speed of light and she carried on as well, but would pop in and out as it suited her. It was only at the time that I started making room for new people and things in my life-that I finally saw that she was everything my mom said.
So…I pulled back a little and then a little bit more- until suddenly she disappeared completely. In the past seven years, I have heard from her twice. Each time, she has been in turmoil and looking for advice. The moment that I completely knew I was done was when I shared the news of an accolade I achieved last October. I sent a short text to let some of my colleagues and girlfriends know I was in Black Enterprise asking for support. Guess who never had a moment to send well wishes or a congratulations? It’s not important for you to know how I have supported her, but it is necessary that you understand that you must constantly evaluate the people, circumstances and things in your life that are no longer a fit.
I have become more brazen and deliberate in my thirties. The way I manage my relationships and friendships goes a little something like this: If you are negative, I get rid of you. If you are a taker and never give, I will get rid of you. If I get the sense, that you can only share in my sorrow and not in my joy, I will cut you off. 2006 was the year I started purging my life of people who were no longer a piece to my puzzle. In that time, I have gotten rid of and/or allowed divine intervention to remove approximately 5-6 people who could no longer remain in my circle of trust. In return, I now have a solid group of friends and acquaintances that are aligned with where I am now and where I’m going in the future.
Czarina’s Lesson: There’s a huge world of people and new experiences waiting for you. Don’t hold on to people or situations out of obligation; hold on because they add value.
Hmm, this did not go like I thought I would but I like the point. I have seen it too, one minute they love you and share almost everything you post and then in just a blink of an eye they really share anything you write or congratulate you. What I try to do in those moments is focus on the people who are supportive and who are there for me versus the person or persons who have disappeared. People change…all the time.
Gotcha! I couldn’t agree more, Chris. It’s a much better use of our energy to keep the people who support us relentlessly.
Thanks for reading.
Knowing when to end relationships is one of the things that comes with the wisdom of aging. Life is just too short for spending precious time on people who use you. Also, as you move through various stages of life, you find friends for those stages (I’m thinking of the early years of motherhood as one example, for those who become mothers). When the stage is over, sometimes the relationship stays and sometimes it ends. I don’t know if I would call your culling “brazen”. I would call it “knowledge that life isn’t indefinite”.
Yes, I would agree people and come and go as you go through the stages of life. When I spoke about being “brazen” I was referring to a lack of care on my part about appeasing people and/or keeping them around to preserve their feelings. Regardless of age, we tend to be concerned with the emotional impact of letting go- sometimes more so when you are younger.
Love your insights! Keep them coming.
All the best,
This is very helpful. I’ve had my shared experiences with failed friendships and all. Nowadays, as Chris shared, I’m all for supporting and loving those who do the same for me.
Isn’t it a much better use of our energy? Additionally, it is a freeing feeling to take charge of your life and relationships. I keep my circle small and intimate these days. It is working out for the best.
Thanks for reading and sharing your insights,
Great post – been working through a similar situation myself – feel a wide range of emotion in letting go a 20year friendship, but sometimes these things need to happen! Good on you for letting go!
20 years is a long time, so I can certainly understand the range of emotions you must be going through. Best of luck to you as you sort through it all.
Thank you for reading.
All the best,