Three Reasons Why Failure Feels So Permanent

Three Reasons Why Failure Feels So Permanent

I was on Facebook last week and happened to see a headline that actor, Will Smith had some choice words for “The Donald”. I clicked on the headline and watched the video of his press conference in Dubai for Suicide Squad. When probed by a member of the Dubai press about the negative reviews of Suicide Squad he said the following:

” I feel like at this point in my career I’ve earned the right to fail. Right. So, I’m going to take shots and I’m not going to hit them all; because I’m going to be trying really wild, aggressive, creative things. Some of them will be critically-acclaimed, some of them will make money and some of them will be Wild, Wild West.” 

It resonated with me, because it reminded me of my own journey and relationship with failure.

Perfection be damned!

We are the most imperfect-perfect society. Most people are so broken, so lost, still learning, still striving and yet we will do everything in our power not to appear to be an overall failure. It starts when we are young. We are coached, molded and forced to put on appearances whether at church, family functions and school. The messages we receive are that mistakes are okay, but don’t make too many of them. How does something as imperfect as a human rise to such a level of perfection?

We rise to the occasion as much as our spirits can take us and eventually we all fall short. It is in those moments of imperfection that we recognize that we are fighting an uphill battle. Those messages of “failing just enough, but not too much” feel inhumane; but still we have appearances to upkeep.

Why does failure feel so permanent?

The funny thing about failure is: It isn’t permanent at all.  When I look back at my failures, there isn’t one that completely destroyed me. You couldn’t tell me that while I was going through it, but not one destroyed me.

I’ve been through a lot. Once you have overcome the fear of failure, you figure I got this.  That is until your dreams and aspirations grow even larger in size. So, here I am again wanting to expand and reach for the stars and guess who is back to torture me – our frenemies, fear and failure.

To be honest, failure is uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel like comfort food on a rainy day. It’s like the night you drank too much and prayed to get past it; while also promising never to get drunk again. In this way, much of how we approach failure has to do with mindset and approach.

Let’s explore why failure feels so permanent and what we can do to change it.

Reason 1) “If I fail, everyone will know I failed and judge me for it.” Oprah once said that every guest she had on her show from celebrities to the KKK had one thing in common- they wanted to be understood and seen for who they are.  We all worry about others seeing us fail and the opinions and/or judgments that will follow. Particularly in this digital age where everyone is so visible; failure feels very public.

Newsflash: Time fades everything – especially memory. What you think people remember about your failures is very unlikely the case. No one person should have that much power over you and your climb to success.

Reason 2) ” I feel like everything is crashing down on me in this moment of failure.” I would be remiss if I didn’t discuss the feeling of failure and how this exacerbates the whole experience. As humans, we generally set out to do something and in return we expect our efforts and intentions to yield the perfect outcome. When things don’t align in the way we imagined, we generally feel like nothing can ever be better again because of that failure. Depending on the magnitude of the failure, those feelings of sadness, guilt, pessimism can last for a long time.

Newsflash: It’s important to go through those emotions, but you can’t live there forever. It’s the whole “being tired of being sick and tired”. The woeful feelings get old. Ultimately, things do get better. It requires a change of perspective and working on your approach to failure.

Reason 3) “Failure is bad and in return what I set out to do was bad.” Let’s be clear most of us don’t know how to fail and recover from it. No matter how many times we try to re-frame “failure” it is still ingrained in us as something negative. Most of us want to be seen as a success. Until recently, success was the positive end of our efforts and failure was the negative outcome of our efforts. It sounds easy enough to say we should revise our definition of success to include a healthy helping of failure, but our prior conditioning doesn’t want us to be great.

Newsflash: Let’s not romanticize failure as if all failures are equal. There are failures that result in casualties and some that are rather benign by comparison. Sometimes it really is as bad as it feels. Still, there is a lesson to learn and a wrong to make right. The grit and strength you have to use to get there is what success looks like.

Like Will Smith, I feel like I have earned the right to fail. It is a revelation you have when you have spent much of your life trying to walk a straight line. Perfection doesn’t exist. While we are all out here trying to figure out our purposes and life missions – we might as well let the failures teach us and lead us to success.

Share your feelings about “failure” with me below.

 

Detoxing and Affirmations: An Entrepreneur’s Promise

Background image courtesy of createherstock.com.

Background image courtesy of createherstock.com.

Aristocracy of HR community, the time has come for your Czarina to take a break. In 2013, I started off my year by speaking about “introspection and execution” (see here for that post). I made some promises to myself and put some things out in the universe that make more sense in 2016 than they did back then. It’s time for me to make good on what I promised myself, but first a look back and some updates.

Here’s what I promised myself in 2013:

Three Affirmations, Three Executions:

 1) Be a signal in the noise that is the world of work. I may not be the loudest signal now, but I will be that signal that makes you stop what you’re doing and ask what is that noise? You won’t ask it out of annoyance; but you will wonder where it came from and how you missed it the first time around.

2016 realization: The signal is clear and received. I have found my lane and I am thankful for the platform I continue to build.

2) I will do something extraordinary and assist those that endeavor to do something extroardinary. There is something magical about being a part of something that is bigger than all of us. I want to collaborate, coordinate, create, envision, innovate all in the name of HR. It has already begun and the story behind this will unravel as the year progresses.

2016 update: I have done some really cool things since 2013. Many of my accomplishments have been in HR, but most have been outside of the realm of HR. It’s important to take stock of where you are, where you have been and relish in your accomplishments. I am tardy to the party on this.

3) I will introspect and continue to live life with purpose. The spirit requires balance and as such I will need to examine all that I do and adjust as necessary to maintain balance and productivity. I’m not running myself into the ground like I did in 2012. Consistency, SEO, clicks – it all sounds good, and I care, but not at the demise of my well-being. If one aspect of my life is out of sync- it’s all out of whack. My personal time is making a comeback this year.

2016 update: I’m still doing my best to not run myself into the ground. I have found that finding balance between work and life is not a destination, but rather a journey.

When you are a one-woman act it all comes down to you. The articles, PR, the editing, running your business, hosting a livestream show, juggling three kids ages 7 and below etc make for many focuses, quick wardrobe changes and many hats. I have been doing this and much more in my quest for success since 2013.  However, I have to consistently remind myself of why I went into business in the first place.

Three main reasons why I took this leap into entrepreneurship were:

1) To be more available for my kids.

2) To get out of the rut of rising the ranks of an organization that gleaned no personal or professional satisfaction. 

3) To have more flexibility to fully enjoy my life. 

This year, I have decided to make good on my promises to myself about flexibility. That means that I am taking deliberate actions to play as hard as I work, while managing my tribe and their affairs more efficiently. Please know that this is not a perfect science. Any Work-At-Home Mama knows any good plan can be thwarted by life and your kids – despite our best of intentions.

Here are some things I have put in place to make good on these promises I made to myself:

1) I am being intentional about flexing my work week. I’ve cut my work days down to four days and it may go to three at times. I will obviously continue to put in the necessary hours to keep my business on a growth trajectory ; but I am no longer working for the sake of working.

2) Building in dedicated time for family and myself to decompress from the work week. We all deserve time to zone out and just be.

3) Whether it is ordering groceries or hiring a virtual social media strategist to keep my profiles humming – delegation at this point in my business is necessary for the maintenance of my sanity and continued growth.

All of that being said, I’m taking a break from the blog and social media for the next two weeks.  I will return on July 18th. There will be no real-time instagramming, snapchatting, livestreaming, facebooking or awe-inspiring workforce wisdom coming from this here blog. I need a moment to regroup and relax – which is something that has become a priority for me.

Through the magic of delegation and various platforms you will continue to see my posts and shares.

I am really excited to spend quality time with my family during this break. Most importantly, I am excited to wake up and know that there is nothing I need to do other than put on my swimsuit and head to my cabana near the pool.

I want you all to know that I appreciate all of the support, shares, kind words and encouragement I get from you all. It means a lot to me and keeps me going and grinding.

I hope you all are enjoying your summer so far. See you back here in two weeks.

See below for some of my favorite content for 2016 and things to look forward to.

TRUST ME, I DON’T WANT YOUR JOB! 

A Perfect Union: Talent Management and Predictive Analytics

Letting Go: Three Functions HR May Want To Delegate Responsibility For

High-Volume Recruitment: 5 Things You Need to Manage a Successful Team

 

Be sure to catch me on Livestreaming Stars with Ross Brand on July 11th. You can read more about my appearance here.

Xoxo,

 

Janine a.k.a. CzarinaofHR

 

 

 

 

Business, Life, and Coffee Podcast: Do Women Make Better CEOs Than Men?

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I recently had the opportunity to speak with my friend and entrepreneur extraordinaire, Joey Price of JumpstartHR on his Business, Life, and Coffee Podcast. We had a great conversation about when I knew I needed to start my business and discussed whether women make better CEOs than men.

You’ll have to listen below to hear what I had to say about whether women are better than men at leading organizations. I think you will be surprised at my response. The one thing I learned for sure listening to this podcast is:

“We all have a story and we should share it as much as the universe will allow.”

Joey was able to capture my journey to entrepreneurship in a way that I have not in the past. Life often feels like thousands of vignettes that run into one another, blend and become distorted the further away from them you get. Asking the right question and a dose of honesty will always bring forth something compelling and useful.

Joey and I started on our social media journey at about the same time and have since become both colleagues and friends. It is pretty neat to see where both of us have landed respectively in our lives and businesses.

If you have a business, are thinking of starting a business or just have an interest in a story about someone who chased their dreams when everything was falling apart around them – you will want to listen to this podcast.

Please feel free to share your thoughts with me on the podcast below in the comments. Also, if you like this episode you will love the variety of his other shows- give them a spin!

Thanks for reading and supporting! I appreciate you immensely.

 

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