Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 4 of 31- Silent Sentinel
March 3rd, 1913 a woman by the name of Alice Paul organized a woman’s suffrage parade of more than 5,000 women participants from every state in the union. This wasn’t just any day, it was President Wilson’s first inauguration. It wasn’t your typical parade, Paul and the participants were marching in the name of woman’s suffrage. Onlookers assaulted the marchers which very quickly escalated to a volatile situation.
Four years later, Alice Paul broke away from the National American Women’s Suffrage Association (NAWSA) to form a more radical delegation of women’s rights activists called the National Women’s Party (NWP). It was also during that time that she assembled the “Silent Sentinels” to protest President Wilson’s ongoing lack of support for women’s suffrage. As pictured above, these women asked the obvious questions: “how long must liberty wait and “what will you do for women’s suffrage”.
Why is this important?
This moment in history verifies what I have been saying in previous posts- when you choose awareness and action over ignorance and inaction- it is a problem. Alice Paul and her fellow suffragists were attacked while police officers pretended not to see the attacks and then they were arrested and put away for seven months. I note that when the NYPD and Ferguson had the center stage last year, I did not choose silence over what I knew, I spoke up and called them out – namely the administration for having a poor system and and even worse practices. As a wife to a detective and someone who grew up with the NYPD, I felt there was no one better to talk about the real issues that were causing the civil unrest than me. In return, I had several men chime in. One said that they hoped for my husband’s sake that I was “hot” and that I must be an “A-1 ball-buster at home”. Another exclaimed ” who is this chick that thinks she knows the NYPD and how to fix the issues- she hasn’t a clue.”
Like Alice Paul, these men found my rhetoric and disposition to be “unladylike” and “radical”. In 2015, it is still the opinion of many men that a woman should know her place. I should be seen and not heard. Since I have an opinion, I must automatically drive my husband insane. If the latter is true, the only way the relationship could be worth it (according to these guys) is if I were “hot”. It is not only pathetic but sad, that I even have this as an anecdote to share.
Here’s the facts: I don’t bust balls for folly, but I certainly will-if warranted. I am allowed to have an opinion and feel empowered to speak up, if I choose. I am very much a lady and also radical when the spirit moves me. I don’t take kindly to anyone telling me when and how I should react. I am confident in my skin and operate on these premises, because my father (a man) constantly drilled me on the importance of being independent and strong. I’ve seen what hair twirling, flirting and “lady-like” behavior gets women in the boardroom. You get smirks, raised eyebrows and side-eye from the women witnessing a weak attempt of a fellow woman trying to be seen as worthy and viable. I simply wish that as women we could just show up unapologetically and be accepted for what we bring to the table.
In conclusion, the men that were spewing this stuff had never been schooled on social media 101 apparently. As such, it never occurred to them that the thread they were bashing me on would be seen by my dad. I can tell you that no matter how old a woman gets, no father takes kindly to people speaking ill of their daughter. My dad had a field day with one of them-to which this gentleman agreed he was in the wrong for making assumptions about who I was because he didn’t like my opinion. While I can’t be sure if these men were truly sorry or just sorry that the father of the conspirator caught them in the act, This situation and others ensure that I will continue to speak out in the future.
The time for women to be paid equitably, treated fairly , and regarded as the awesome human beings we are is now. Alice Paul was fighting this fight over 96 years ago, isn’t it time?
Czarina’s Lesson: When it comes to the fight for civil liberties, what is old is new and what is new is old. There’s no true liberty until everyone is afforded the same opportunities and rights.
There are extreme cases of “leaning-in” and women asserting themselves in the workplace. In fact, the asserting is more like aggression and the leaning isn’t necessarily “in” but rather on the backs of other employees.
What am I talking about?
I am referring to mean girls in leadership. These are the women that have been given reign over a group of employees and are wielding this perceived power as though it is Thor’s mallet. They are nasty, condescending, backstabbing and will do anything to destroy other women and/or employees that pose a perceived threat. Some are blatant in their attempts to destroy others. In the most dangerous of instances, they will appear to be friendly, courteous and kind; but all the while they are undermining your every accomplishment with a smile.
True leaders don’t get intimidated by employees who know their craft and execute duly. Instead, they champion the strengths in those individuals and elevate their visibility because they know that their superb work is not only a reflection of the individual’s diligence but a testament to your ability to appreciate the strengths of your team.
In my career, I have had at least three lunatics for bosses that just-so-happen to be women. If I am to generalize their behaviors that allow me to categorize them as “lunatics” here is your description:
1) They all were overly friendly to the point that you thought at times you were speaking to one of your girlfriends.
2) They all randomly snapped leading them to micromanage work, lie to create performance issues that were non-existent, and pick fights like grade-school children would in the school yard.
3) Nothing was ever what it seemed with any of them. If you thought you were performing well, you were really doing terrible. Good equals bad and suddenly nothing regarding my employment under their tutelage made sense.
Everything in me despises this sort of toxicity in leadership. Someone is bound to try to challenge me on why I am singling out “women”. Here is your answer: yes, there are bad bosses everywhere and they all aren’t women. Happy? I’m not, because I think these mean girls are a distraction to the overall women’s movement toward total equality and recognition.
I also wonder why companies who see extreme turnover, loss of productivity, or low morale in various departments headed by leaders like this don’t put their foot down and remove the cancer. It’s not reasonable to be nice or to say that this person drives business. Isn’t it far more costly to the business if you have unproductive, disengaged employees?
Stop speaking about issues in leadership like the solution is not within your grasp. You have the ability to shape your employee ecosystem. You also have the ability to create a culture of integrity, respect and all other virtues that attract candidates, retain employees and woo customers.
I am sick of the mean girl game and I am tired of employers dialing-it-in because they don’t want to deal with leadership issues. Additionally, I am disappointed in HR for not being more vociferous and actionable about the negative impact these sorts of leaders have on the organization.
I share some tips on how you can deal with the mean girls of leadership in your organization at the end of the video. Check out my latest “Ask Czarina” episode below.
Perhaps I could end this post with the title alone because it’s a poignant question. If you work in HR or make money off of HR- have you asked yourself lately why you are here?
Most will say they work in HR because they “love to work with people” or they “like making a difference in organizations”. The funny thing is the more you work in HR you find that the relationship you have with your employees is a bit of a sordid tale and making a difference is a periodic win that graces you with its presence maybe every solar eclipse.
So again I ask..why are you in HR?
Do you know? I can tell you why I’m still here. I used to be one of those rose-colored glasses kinds of practitioners and then my first job out of school shattered my perception of the discipline. Every job thereafter wore down this notion of HR as an altruistic discipline. Suddenly, I had to find new meaning in the value I provided, because otherwise I was working for a check and behaving like a robot programmed to do something just because.
So here it is…
I am in HR because here in the U.S. we spend more time in our workplaces than we do with our own families. This is not by choice but out of necessity to do something viable that garners some remuneration to sustain ourselves and the people we love. Some of us are in love with what we do, but many of us our in total disdain of our work lives because the work and/or environment or both are dreadful. Having been that person who dreaded showing up to work in a discipline that is supposed to love working with people and allegedly holds the all-spark of organizational inspiration- I decided I would become the change.
I make a conscious decision to not just complain and write the obituary for Human Resources but to treat the employees with the care and kindness that was not shown to me. I insist upon implementing the initiatives and programs that I know will make a difference and a more desirable place for employees to spend 60-80% of their time. Ultimately, I have this crazy idea in my head that if I help organizations refocus on their talent and place them in top priority by providing meaningful and tailored work experiences along with fair and equitable compensation rewarding a job well done; there will be happier employees-which will lead to more productive workplaces and perhaps a happier society.
Too much big picture?
I don’t think so. You see the job is a means to an end. If we all won the lottery today we could call it quits and stop all of this ruminating about HR and what it’s not doing for us. What we do in HR and in business is always about the people. They drive your business more than you are willing to recognize. In HR, it is our call-to-action to see that they have the tools, resources and toxin-free head and workspace to get the job done. My obligation is a societal and human one. You treat people well and pay them their due sans the politics, games, bureaucracy, discrimination etc.; you will have a happier ecosystem of people roaming the earth. That means there is importance in every step of the HR process. From making sure qualified candidates get a shot at the jobs they apply for instead of allowing a system to tell you whether they are qualified or not to ensuring that you are never late on processing payroll- always be sure to do right by your employees.
I created my company to fix more than HR. I am vowing to fix a system that is broken and that sorely needs a human solution.
So I leave you with the initial question? Why are you in HR? The answer doesn’t have to be as elaborate as mine, but you may want to assess whether this is right for you. Especially, if you aren’t willing to be the change you want to see in HR.
Hey HR Aristocrats! It has been awhile- two months to be exact. As many of you may know, I recently had my third child. With the busy schedule I had at the end of my pregnancy doing speaking engagements, putting things in place both in my day job and business and just being plain tired-it wore down my writing mojo. I had nothing. Everything I thought of I started to pen only to find that I hated the idea and it felt forced. Note: Nothing I have ever written anywhere has been a forced idea. I write from a purely organic place where things inspire me and I feel the need to share my thoughts.
Most will say that it is blasphemous to allow you blog to go dormant for two months, but I really needed to step away and get back to me. A house in shambles, new baby, child in school, another being potty-trained (or so I thought) and a road to recuperation that had me feeling less than inspired were the realities I needed to live with.
Once I walked away, there was inspiration popping up everywhere. Additionally, it allowed me to think and remember that life takes precedence over churning out content. It was never my intention to be a content mill. I just want to write and do things that are meaningful and helpful.
That said, sitting back and enjoying the sight and smell of my new bundle and just enjoying my family allowed me something greater than creating and that was to watch. What I found is that every social media platform is over-saturated with content. There’s a content rat race going on.
Some of it is fantastic and other stuff is just not useful. That said, my evaluation of the social landscape and what I am doing has me prepared to get back to writing but also to explore and further fine-tune some other projects I set out to do. There’s a lot more to me than HR and I am on a mission to pull it all together.
The moral: those of us in business have to be ready to pivot as I mentioned earlier this year. That means remaining open to new or modified ideas, different approaches etc. The beauty of stepping back and learning is so you can become better. I can tell you in two months I have become better just by watching and taking time to get back to me, my interests and life.
I look forward to wooing you all back here for great content and my beautiful journey.
New post drops on Monday, June 23rd and look out for new content from me on the Performance i Create blog on Friday, June 27th.
Oh and I should mention that I have been having a ton of fun with Instagram lately. For pics of me post-partum, my little ones, and a sprinkle of inspiration in pictures follow me on Instagram.
Our modern day Rosie the Riveter, Sheryl Sandberg is at it again with a new campaign called “Ban Bossy”. It is a campaign that was launched on Monday as a collaborative effort between Girl Scouts USA and LeanIn.org to empower young girls to be leaders without the fear of being labeled “bossy”. She has some celebrities and/or notable women and men helping her to propel the reach of the campaign like Mrs. Carter herself Beyoncé and Condoleezza Rice among others.
As a woman who has two young girls, I appreciate the sentiment behind the campaign, but it ends there. “Bossy” is the least of what women are called in the workplace for being strong-willed, knowledgeable in their craft and determined. Unfortunately, the reality of being a woman and a leader of color in the workplace also has its own distinct challenges. As a mother, leader and professional, I strive constantly to show my daughters that you have to be a no-nonsense kind of gal to get anywhere in business.
A woman’s success in business requires persistence, self-confidence, advocacy and the knowledge that you deserve better- when all you would rather do is retreat in fear of rubbing the very people you are trying to impress the wrong way.
I have reservations about the efficiency of banning a word in hopes that it will get more girls to realize their worth and fight the good fight when they eventually become professionals in the workplace. From a psychological perspective, words hurt and they are powerful. Therefore, this is an admirable attempt to change the conversation and urge others to use more endearing words. The problem is banning bossy isn’t going to change the blatant and ongoing deficits in pay that women experience in stark contrast to their male counterparts. It will not change the apparent lack of representation of women leaders in organizations across the US. “Ban Bossy” falls short of impacting the very thing that this is all about; which is for organizations to regard women as viable, thinking, worthy, tenacious, dynamic professionals that deserve the same respect, pay, and recognition that males similarly situated have been afforded.
Sometimes leaning in isn’t enough…
I have “leaned-in” and advocated for higher pay. Guess what, I got an “I hear you and I appreciate you” but we can’t do anything for you. I have taken a strong position on issues in organizations where I have worked and watched as my managers sat across from me with smug smirks and nothing else to lend to the conversation. I have also been the best qualified person in the room to handle a job and watched on as a less qualified man took over the reins (under my tutelage) without any accolades being thrown my way. Furthermore, I have had women in leadership try to derail my career or diminish the value of my talents out of fear that I was conspiring to take their jobs.
How does banning a word prepare my daughters or any other young women for those disappointments?
Our challenge in prepping our young women for leadership is not dependent on what they may be called but on the unfortunate reality they will face in trying to achieve, learn and become leaders. We owe them the reality of the struggle and the blueprint to navigate it so the journey doesn’t “sting” as much- nevermind being called “bossy”.
Where’s the cavalry of all of these successful women that have “leaned-in”? Are they on the frontlines making sure that situations like what I have experienced don’t happen to women in organizations anywhere? Until I hear data and evidence around how this campaign is changing perceptions and subsequent actions in Corporate America- I will reserve my right to teach my girls about the reality of leadership for women via my School of Hard Knocks– the truth.
