31 Days, 32 Revelations: Life Data

 

Image courtesy of Brainy Quote

 

Series Introduction

Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.

Day 16 of 31- Life Data

There’s a lot of talk about pay equality, race equality, women’s rights etc. Equally, I feel that the rhetoric against equality on all of these fronts is increasingly divisive and disrespectful. Additionally, there is something to be said for what goes unsaid, because that too is an answer. Those that read my posts regularly know I don’t shy away from the tough subjects. I have tackled everything from Sheryl Sandberg’s “Ban Bossy” campaign to “Race Relations in the Workplace”. Each time, I learn a little more about the moral paradigm the U.S operates under.

When I called the NYPD out for not dealing with their race issues, I got responses like: “black people are always complaining” or “black people commit most crimes and if they didn’t situations like Ferguson wouldn’t happen.” When I talked about how I thought Sheryl Sandberg’s “Ban Bossy” and “Lean-In” campaigns were short-sighted, I had a man tell me that “there is no such thing as pay inequity.” In all of these instances, I shared my experiences. The comments and moderate backlash is not something I take personally, but I do have a problem when people confuse “experience” and “opinion”.

If I say I have never experienced being discriminated against, but offer up some thoughts based on what I think being discriminated against is like- that is an opinion. If I have worked in Corporate America as a black woman and been passed up for promotions and paid less than my white counterparts- that my friends is a bonafide experience. It is something I would like to call “life data”. No, it hasn’t been incubated and studied with a proper sampling, controls and variables aligned. However, it is something I have experienced and have unofficially corroborated with other black females across the country in similarly situated positions and everything in between. That said, I have every right to speak about these issues.

We have become so excitable about data and proof, that we forget that even one instance of any event serves as some proof that something has occurred. When we are faced with employee complaints or claims in an organization, they are often singular instances of issues that are dealt with on a case-by case basis. It is those individual complaints that often times lead to larger narratives that have to be investigated. If we were to discount the experience of individuals until we had a collection of people coming forward with the same issue- we would:

1) Be dealing with bigger issues because the employee would probably sue or file an outside claim.

2) We would be catching a problem far too late to the detriment of both the workforce and company.

We have gotten very good at discounting the experiences of others in this country. The sentiment is if it’s not happening to me or anyone I know- it isn’t a problem. While I will agree that some of us humans have a completely skewed and screwed up way of viewing the world, even that phenomenon is life data. Everyday we open our eyes and interact in the world, provides experiences that become data we use to inform our decisions in life.

I tell you all of this to say, I am sick and tired of people telling me and others that what we see and experience isn’t real or is at a minimum “a humble opinion”. Until you have walked a day in another person’s shoes, you have no frame of reference. It is not reasonable to swap their experiences out for your sloppy opinion.

The individuals who risked making the comments above forgot to arm themselves with data. I am happy to note that I didn’t go commando, but instead reminded them of the facts using data; I haven’t heard from them since. Poof be gone!

 

Czarina’s Lesson: Your lack of experience and understanding, isn’t a reason for me to be both silent and blind.

31 Days, 32 Revelations: Innovation Ego

Image courtesy of EinsteinQuotes.com

Series Introduction

Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.

Day 15 of 31- Innovation Ego

I have heard through the grapevine that nothing being done now is either “unique” or “innovative”, but rather many regurgitated versions of someone else’s ideas. There is certainly evidence to suggest that lots of people go around poaching the work of others. However, for the people who are really dedicated to creating something new or give something old a new spin- you can’t deny them their innovation badge of honor. One idea spurs another idea and then another- that is kind of how innovation works.

Let’s be honest, we are influenced by a myriad of people, places, cultures, circumstances over the course of our lives. If you don’t think so you must have been rushed from your mother’s womb to a bubble in another dimension where no one exists; but then again even that experience would influence your view of the world. I believe we become a mosaic of our experiences. Some are hard-coded and other traits, thoughts and practices are things we select for ourselves-because it favors our trajectory in life and facilitates our survival. Let’s take Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung for instance. Freud was the founding father of psychoanalytic concepts in the early 1900’s until he became acquainted with Carl Jung. Carl Jung became a friend and a student of Freud until he endeavored to propose a slightly contrarian analysis and criticism of  Freudian precepts like the”oedipal complex”. Innovation ego of today would assert that Freud said all there was to say about the “oedipal complex” and that Jung was being duplicitous by merely tweaking already established concepts.

The reality is we received a far more refined proposition for the oedipal complex because Jung studied Freud’s concepts and found areas for improvement or better explanations for that behavior. Was Jung innovative- in my opinion yes. Was Freud innovative? For sure. He started it all, but even he had experiences and influences that led him to develop his theories.

Just because you have created something, said something profound or blazed a trail, does not make you the chief innovator for all eternity. The goal should be continuous improvement of all things as necessity requires it. If someone comes along and takes something you did and improves it-that is the completion of the cycle of innovation. By no means, should any founder or talent feel like someone isn’t studying your craft and finding cracks in it that they will someday improve.

From time to time, I’ve heard people say things like: “I wrote about that back in 2008 why is he or she writing about that now or we were talking about how to implement “x” in 2000 this has already been done.” I humbly pay homage to pioneers, because many things wouldn’t be possible without a few good men and women to blaze the trail. However, ego need not take over. Sometimes things need to be said again and again and maybe with a twist and a turn. Just maybe, that tenth or thousandth instance of discussing a topic or reinventing something is exactly what is needed for others to finally get it. So, next time you gurus, ninjas, experts get the gumption to turn your nose up at something you think is old, trite or lacks innovation ask yourself if it is your ego or if the cycle of innovation has been completed by someone adding a new slant or useful thought.

 

Czarina’s Lesson: There’s no place for ego in innovation.

31 Days, 32 Revelations: Knowing When To Move On

Image courtesy of Flickr.com

Image courtesy of Flickr.com

Series Introduction

Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.

Day 11 of 31- Knowing When To Move On

Whether it be people, places or things we all need to know when to move on. Moving on is complicated. There’s emotional attachment, complex circumstances that often times impede the process, but nevertheless you have to be able to see when your season is changing or shifting. When I was younger, I saw the signs that let me know it was time to cut something off, but my actions propelled me to hang in there with people and situations that were already moving on. I was outgrowing them and they were outgrowing me and we were essentially trying to make something last past its time.

Case and point, I had a friend in my 20’s that essentially used me. My mom warned me over and over again that she was a user and manipulator. I knew her requests and taking were consistent with my mom’s warning, but I saw my withdrawal from the friendship as me not being a good friend. In time, my life accelerated at the speed of light and she carried on as well, but would pop in and out as it suited her. It was only at the time that I started making room for new people and things in my life-that I finally saw that she was everything my mom said.

So…I pulled back a little and then a little bit more- until suddenly she disappeared completely. In the past seven years, I have heard from her twice. Each time, she has been in turmoil and looking for advice. The moment that I completely knew I was done was when I shared the news of an accolade I achieved last October. I sent a short text to let some of my colleagues and girlfriends know I was in Black Enterprise asking for support. Guess who never had a moment to send well wishes or a congratulations? It’s not important for you to know how I have supported her, but it is necessary that you understand that you must constantly evaluate the people, circumstances and things in your life that are no longer a fit.

I have become more brazen and deliberate in my thirties. The way I manage my relationships and friendships goes a little something like this:  If you are negative, I get rid of you. If you are a taker and never give, I will get rid of you. If I get the sense, that you can only share in my sorrow and not in my joy, I will cut you off. 2006 was the year I started purging my life of people who were no longer a piece to my puzzle. In that time, I have gotten rid of and/or allowed divine intervention to remove approximately 5-6 people who could no longer remain in my circle of trust. In return, I now have a solid group of friends and acquaintances that are aligned with where I am now and where I’m going in the future.

Czarina’s Lesson: There’s a huge world of people and new experiences waiting for you. Don’t hold on to people or situations out of obligation; hold on because they add value.

31 Days, 32 Revelations: Chin Up, Dear!

Personal image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.

Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.

Series Introduction

Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.

Day 9 of 31- Chin Up, Dear!

From my teens and through my early twenties, I had this dream to become a model. When you live in NY, you don’t just sit on that dream you get on a train and hit the concrete jungle to make it happen. It was a grind that I loved. Between going to school and working I was combing the web for auditions whether they were for dance or modeling open calls. I went a long time without representation and that is its own bag of tricks. For those of you who have either danced, modeled or acted you know it involves a rollercoaster of emotions. You go from being really excited one moment to having that lump in your throat right before you get called to do your thing. Then there’s the aftermath. This is the affect of your ruminations about how you did on the audition; peppered with the comments and facial expressions made by the casting team.

Having been in the industry at a time,  the one thing I can tell you is that you have to have really thick skin. It is a very connected, clique-y profession. As a newbie, I was fresh meat and vulnerable to any criticism they wanted to make. You knew which girls had an established rapport. They didn’t even need their portfolio- it was “kiss-kiss and hug-hug and oh we missed you the other night at X lounge in Soho and they got the gig”. The one casting director that sticks out in my mind is a guy who was launching an urban brand. He was coming up on the heels of the urban fashion movement of the late 90’s and early 2000’s. He suggested that I get a nose job and consider getting veneers to close up the gap between my teeth. I was forthright in telling him I would do none of the above, but the more time I spent in the industry hearing similar suggestions it began to wear on me. Momentarily, you start thinking should I get the nose job or the veneers? The pressures to look a certain way wear on you with time, if you don’t check it.

Photo courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.

Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.

The last straw was when I went to a dance/model audition for a notable rap artist who shall remain nameless. The director called me up after the audition to offer me the part in the video along with parts in upcoming videos he was directing with the likes of Alicia Keys and other artists. The one condition he had was I had to go out with him and his friend to drinks and do things I will leave to your imagination. That conversation ended with me telling him: “I am in college, I have a future, a boyfriend, and never call me again”. He got my drift and by some act of God I made it to the final string of auditions for the video. The artist got himself in a jam so we never got to formally shot the video. The artist also tried his hand with me and I had to set him straight as well.

Modeling was fun, but it was the first time in my life that I truly had to learn to live with rejection, being scrutinized and having to defend my standards and worth. It was a lot to deal with at the time, but I have been really thankful for the experience the past few years. When I’ve had to face rejection in the workplace or have been under scrutiny in a job; I always remember my modeling days and suddenly the situation doesn’t hold as much weight. I just tell myself “chin up, dear” you got this. Every time you show up to start a new job, project or make a life change it is like an audition. It could go really well or you could fail. Either way, the only thing that is sure in that moment is you showing up and doing what is needed. The rest is out of your hands. I also learned that you are nothing in this world if you don’t have a standards or values. I could have caved and acquiesced the director’s request and went on to do some huge projects that could have catapulted my modeling career, but at what cost- my dignity, worth, future husband (who was my then boyfriend)?

I walked away from modeling with my head held high and no regrets. I ultimately knew I had great things in store for me as a college student and professional. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy striking-a-pose once in a while, but modeling now serves as a distant memory and a lesson of fashionably sashaying away from things in life that compromise your worth.

 

Czarina’s Lesson: Everything in life is connected. It’s up to you to make the connections and recognize the lessons. 

31 Days, 32 Revelations: Digital Snobbery

 

Image courtesy of lovethispic.com

Series Introduction

Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.

 

Day 8 of 31- Digital Snobbery

I’ve been dabbling with social media for years. In my opinion, the start of it was in the early 2000’s with platforms like MySpace, BlackPlanet.com, Mi Gente etc. I wasn’t hip to how it would evolve, but I was on those platforms doing what I could to promote my then modeling career and everything else I was doing. Those platforms fizzled and then entered Facebook around my college years. You couldn’t even join unless you had a college email back then. I had one girlfriend that was on it and begged me to join- I wasn’t impressed. It wasn’t until 2010, that my employer at the time said “hey there’s this thing called social media and all of you Talent Acquisition Specialists need to be on it making us look good”. Not their exact words, but essentially that was what we were all charged with doing.

Under duress, I joined Twitter and Facebook. I chose a terrible Twitter handle that later caused me to be heckled into changing it. I was offended at first.  However if not for my “hecklers” and (they know who they are), I wouldn’t have created the brand I have today as the “CzarinaofHR”. In any event, since I officially joined social media- I’ve learned what works, what doesn’t, and that just like in real life people have lots and lots of opinions on what you should say and do on social media. I am still learning how to best position myself on the platforms I am on. What I have let go of is the angst around following the unwritten rules of how you should exist on social media.

From buzzword usage to quizzes on Facebook, there are individuals (sometimes cliques) that are always so beyond whatever the next fad is before it even gets going. Its a kind of digital snobbery that people have picked up where everything and anything someone chooses to share is a problem or is not the proper usage of the platform. It’s like a cool kid thing. They think, “maybe if I post smug, snarky, offensive updates or respond nastily on someones thread people will applaud me or better yet like me. If this is you, I say this in the nicest way possible- get over yourself! I have seen plenty of things that were offensive or ridiculous. When that happens often enough, I simply unfriend, disconnect or block your feed. It is simply not in my best interest to tell you that your feed is full of rants, bigotry or that the sun doesn’t rise and set with your daily selfie. Whatever you choose to portray on social media is your business.  I guess the trouble with it all- is that we have become accustomed to judging this digital life many of us are living. Assumptions are made about who you are and what you value based on words, updates, tweets etc. It maybe an unfair disadvantage since people share at different times and for different reasons. Nevertheless, the judgment is all the same.

As I branch out and explore other lanes of business, I am assured there will be someone quietly or publicly questioning why I’m doing what I’m doing. The way I approach my digital life and real life is, I do what I want and what feels right. That means I will hashtag what I want, use slang if I choose, promote my business if I need to and utilize buzzwords if it best explains what I am trying to convey. I care about my audience. I care even more about being true to who I am and what I want to share with the world. I pay attention to social etiquette and guidelines as a reference point, but I don’t let it put me in a box or prevent me from coloring outside of the lines. Social media is a fun extension and curation of my life, and some of you are fun sponges.

I am forever indebted to social media to opening a world of possibilities to me. There’s no way I could have imagined the friends, colleagues, and opportunities that social media would bring when I started back in 2010. My point is use social media for what works for you. It’s supposed to be helpful and fun- don’t ruin it for people.

Czarina’s Lesson: Don’t be a digital snob!

Translate »