by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 12, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Business, Featured, Life, Women in Business
Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 9 of 31- Chin Up, Dear!
From my teens and through my early twenties, I had this dream to become a model. When you live in NY, you don’t just sit on that dream you get on a train and hit the concrete jungle to make it happen. It was a grind that I loved. Between going to school and working I was combing the web for auditions whether they were for dance or modeling open calls. I went a long time without representation and that is its own bag of tricks. For those of you who have either danced, modeled or acted you know it involves a rollercoaster of emotions. You go from being really excited one moment to having that lump in your throat right before you get called to do your thing. Then there’s the aftermath. This is the affect of your ruminations about how you did on the audition; peppered with the comments and facial expressions made by the casting team.
Having been in the industry at a time, the one thing I can tell you is that you have to have really thick skin. It is a very connected, clique-y profession. As a newbie, I was fresh meat and vulnerable to any criticism they wanted to make. You knew which girls had an established rapport. They didn’t even need their portfolio- it was “kiss-kiss and hug-hug and oh we missed you the other night at X lounge in Soho and they got the gig”. The one casting director that sticks out in my mind is a guy who was launching an urban brand. He was coming up on the heels of the urban fashion movement of the late 90’s and early 2000’s. He suggested that I get a nose job and consider getting veneers to close up the gap between my teeth. I was forthright in telling him I would do none of the above, but the more time I spent in the industry hearing similar suggestions it began to wear on me. Momentarily, you start thinking should I get the nose job or the veneers? The pressures to look a certain way wear on you with time, if you don’t check it.
Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.
The last straw was when I went to a dance/model audition for a notable rap artist who shall remain nameless. The director called me up after the audition to offer me the part in the video along with parts in upcoming videos he was directing with the likes of Alicia Keys and other artists. The one condition he had was I had to go out with him and his friend to drinks and do things I will leave to your imagination. That conversation ended with me telling him: “I am in college, I have a future, a boyfriend, and never call me again”. He got my drift and by some act of God I made it to the final string of auditions for the video. The artist got himself in a jam so we never got to formally shot the video. The artist also tried his hand with me and I had to set him straight as well.
Modeling was fun, but it was the first time in my life that I truly had to learn to live with rejection, being scrutinized and having to defend my standards and worth. It was a lot to deal with at the time, but I have been really thankful for the experience the past few years. When I’ve had to face rejection in the workplace or have been under scrutiny in a job; I always remember my modeling days and suddenly the situation doesn’t hold as much weight. I just tell myself “chin up, dear” you got this. Every time you show up to start a new job, project or make a life change it is like an audition. It could go really well or you could fail. Either way, the only thing that is sure in that moment is you showing up and doing what is needed. The rest is out of your hands. I also learned that you are nothing in this world if you don’t have a standards or values. I could have caved and acquiesced the director’s request and went on to do some huge projects that could have catapulted my modeling career, but at what cost- my dignity, worth, future husband (who was my then boyfriend)?
I walked away from modeling with my head held high and no regrets. I ultimately knew I had great things in store for me as a college student and professional. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy striking-a-pose once in a while, but modeling now serves as a distant memory and a lesson of fashionably sashaying away from things in life that compromise your worth.
Czarina’s Lesson: Everything in life is connected. It’s up to you to make the connections and recognize the lessons.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 11, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Business, Life
Image courtesy of lovethispic.com
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 8 of 31- Digital Snobbery
I’ve been dabbling with social media for years. In my opinion, the start of it was in the early 2000’s with platforms like MySpace, BlackPlanet.com, Mi Gente etc. I wasn’t hip to how it would evolve, but I was on those platforms doing what I could to promote my then modeling career and everything else I was doing. Those platforms fizzled and then entered Facebook around my college years. You couldn’t even join unless you had a college email back then. I had one girlfriend that was on it and begged me to join- I wasn’t impressed. It wasn’t until 2010, that my employer at the time said “hey there’s this thing called social media and all of you Talent Acquisition Specialists need to be on it making us look good”. Not their exact words, but essentially that was what we were all charged with doing.
Under duress, I joined Twitter and Facebook. I chose a terrible Twitter handle that later caused me to be heckled into changing it. I was offended at first. However if not for my “hecklers” and (they know who they are), I wouldn’t have created the brand I have today as the “CzarinaofHR”. In any event, since I officially joined social media- I’ve learned what works, what doesn’t, and that just like in real life people have lots and lots of opinions on what you should say and do on social media. I am still learning how to best position myself on the platforms I am on. What I have let go of is the angst around following the unwritten rules of how you should exist on social media.
From buzzword usage to quizzes on Facebook, there are individuals (sometimes cliques) that are always so beyond whatever the next fad is before it even gets going. Its a kind of digital snobbery that people have picked up where everything and anything someone chooses to share is a problem or is not the proper usage of the platform. It’s like a cool kid thing. They think, “maybe if I post smug, snarky, offensive updates or respond nastily on someones thread people will applaud me or better yet like me. If this is you, I say this in the nicest way possible- get over yourself! I have seen plenty of things that were offensive or ridiculous. When that happens often enough, I simply unfriend, disconnect or block your feed. It is simply not in my best interest to tell you that your feed is full of rants, bigotry or that the sun doesn’t rise and set with your daily selfie. Whatever you choose to portray on social media is your business. I guess the trouble with it all- is that we have become accustomed to judging this digital life many of us are living. Assumptions are made about who you are and what you value based on words, updates, tweets etc. It maybe an unfair disadvantage since people share at different times and for different reasons. Nevertheless, the judgment is all the same.
As I branch out and explore other lanes of business, I am assured there will be someone quietly or publicly questioning why I’m doing what I’m doing. The way I approach my digital life and real life is, I do what I want and what feels right. That means I will hashtag what I want, use slang if I choose, promote my business if I need to and utilize buzzwords if it best explains what I am trying to convey. I care about my audience. I care even more about being true to who I am and what I want to share with the world. I pay attention to social etiquette and guidelines as a reference point, but I don’t let it put me in a box or prevent me from coloring outside of the lines. Social media is a fun extension and curation of my life, and some of you are fun sponges.
I am forever indebted to social media to opening a world of possibilities to me. There’s no way I could have imagined the friends, colleagues, and opportunities that social media would bring when I started back in 2010. My point is use social media for what works for you. It’s supposed to be helpful and fun- don’t ruin it for people.
Czarina’s Lesson: Don’t be a digital snob!
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 10, 2015 | Advice, Ask Czarina, Featured, Life, Women
Image courtesy of Flickr.com
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 7 of 31- Jealousy
When I was in junior high school, I went through a tough time. Socially, I was smart enough to be considered a nerd but cool enough to not be completely shunned by the cool kids. The school district I went to was a mostly middle class district with a healthy portion of some low-income families mixed in. By the time I reached the seventh grade, I had a healthy helping of girls that would make my life miserable in school and after school as well. It was customary that a certain group of girls would somehow initiate other girls by fighting them. I had the displeasure of being one of the chosen ones. At that time, I was vying for Ms. Junior America here in NY and my face was posted up in most of our neighborhood establishments because they were sponsoring me. Full disclosure, I wasn’t a fighter. My parents were strict about school and so I focused on my studies and pretty much kept to myself and the small nucleus of friends I had at the time.
I fought every week for the majority of my 7th grade year. It got so bad that my grandparents had to come from Queens to where we lived in Long Island to pick me up after school just so I wouldn’t have to fight. I didn’t understand right away why I was the one to fight until the perpetrators started spilling the beans during the fights. I would hear “you think you’re cute because you have long hair” or “I don’t care if you were Miss Junior America, I will cut your face.” It took a while, but the conclusion was these girls were jealous of me and who I was becoming. I did well in school, was well-liked, came from a great home and had things going for myself. In contrast, these girls that often tried their hand with me were terrible in school, disruptive in class, pretty much all came from troubled homes and other unfortunate circumstances.
I was so disgusted with the fighting that I remember telling my parents I wanted to go back to Queens to go to school. I couldn’t imagine going through high school with these girls. The answer was “no”, of course. However, something kind of miraculous happened- I got tough. I hated junior high school for what I went through, but the truth is after 7th grade no one would dare come to fight me. After being antagonized daily, I decided I was not going to be a victim anymore and I fought back.
The end of junior high school was a blast and high school was pretty much smooth-sailing. I had one or two try to test me in 9th grade and they were sorry they tried. Beyond that, I went on to excel academically and no one was happier than me when I graduated and moved on to college.
In hindsight, this was an important time in my life. It was the beginning of a series of tests where people would try to beat me down and instead I would come out swinging. Friends of mine laugh when they hear me speak and find out I have an edge to me. I always tell them this story and say I had to become tough to survive. From my first job until now, I have been tested in a number of ways professionally- only this time the bullies have grown up and they have leadership positions in companies. What has never changed is “me”. I show up unapologetically to do the best job possible. Sometimes it was appreciated by my bosses and often times I was seen as a threat. When the green-eyed bandits entered once again- the 13 year old Janine is activated with a dash of wisdom and I come out swinging.
Being green with envy and/or being jealous is a hell of a thing. It robs you of honing in on the things you excel at. It impedes your progress, because all of your focus is on what others are doing. Jealousy is certainly experienced by both males and females, but I have to say women have the men beat in this regard. From the playground to the corner office, we are our own worst enemies when it comes to advancing the women’s movement. Beating each other down is just one of the ways we undermine our wants and needs for equality. If I see another woman doing something I would like to do, it’s empowering to me. It doesn’t even dawn on me to hate her or wish her bad. Hence why, it has always been a mystery to me why some women dwell in this emotion of jealousy. It’s an ugly and counterproductive way to be.
Here are some other things I have learned about jealousy:
1) You are not the problem. Compromising who you are to make the jealous party feel better is unfair and unnecessary. You deserve to be who you are without repercussions (it took me a long time to figure this one out).
2) The root of jealously is admiration. On some level, the person who despises you sees things in you they wish they could be.
3) If it walks, talks, and sounds like jealously- it is jealously. I never like to jump to conclusions where humans are concerned. I would often see signs and try to talk myself out of the reality that there was a jealousy problem. When I was honest with myself the answer was apparent.
I’m fairly sure there are less egregious ways I could have become the woman I am today. I don’t think anything that has happened in my life so far is without purpose. As such, I choose to remember this time in my life as a time when I rose above the green-eyed bandits and found my strength.
Czarina’s Lesson: We cannot expect to be equal, when we are stepping on each other; rather than uplifting one another.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 9, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Business, Featured, Life
Image courtesy of Quotestagram
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 6 of 31- Dishonesty
When I look around I see a barrage of lies at every turn. I don’t know if people are lying more now or if it happened more before my time, but it seems to be a societal epidemic. If it’s not Brian Williams fudging the truth about being in a helicopter that was shot down during the 2003 Iraq invasion- it is the stories like something I heard this morning about a woman who claimed to be raped by a black man. She made the claim and hours later recanted stating that she was not raped by a black man and doesn’t know why she lied. We have attention-obsessed people buying followers on Twitter to make it appear that they are more popular and well-known than they are. There are those on LinkedIn skewing their experience to be seen as experts or more credible in their industries. Don’t get me started on those in business-particularly at the top. People lie. Sometimes it’s harmless and other times harmful.
Think I am just blowing hot air? According to a study conducted by Mattitiyahu Zimbler and Robert S. Feldman of the University of Massachusetts, 49% of leaders felt it was occasionally necessary to lie during a business negotiation. How does that make you feel going into your next business negotiation? It seems the truth is no longer a societal and business imperative, but instead an accessory that we adorn ourselves with when we choose.
As a society we have decided that there is a convenient time and place for truth. Some will contend that there are instances where withholding the truth is beneficial to a person or group of people. For instance, heads of states don’t report every threat that they receive to the public. To do so, serves no purpose for them and as for society they would be creating chaos and speculation for nothing. Instead, they often report the threats that are credible and pose imminent danger to the public. Is this dishonest? Well yes, telling the truth would mean they would tell us everything in the moment as it happens. When I worked in Corporate America, it seemed dishonesty was rampant. Leadership would say there was no money for raises, but you would find out Jim and Jennie got bumped up $10,000. There would be whispers of a layoff and if you asked anyone in leadership they would say “no”-only to have a memo about a reduction-in-force sent to all employees several weeks down the line.
In my humble opinion, people should be upfront and truthful with one another. For some people, knowing that others lie to get ahead creates a false sense that they should do the same. This leads to people being leery of anyone or anything prior to evaluating it for credibility and validity.
My real issue is with deception. Deception is quite different from lying. It is defined as a deliberate withholding of information, so that the full truth of something is not revealed. In the case of Brian Williams, the issue is he has been entrusted to report the facts as a journalist. Secondly, the 2003 Iraq Invasion is a sore spot. Many families lost loved ones and we are all still paying for its enormous price tag. Given all of these facts, it was incredibly irresponsible and inconsiderate of him to make the claim he did. With the 20-year-old white woman who claimed to be raped by black man, not only did she waste police resources that could have been used elsewhere- she could have sent an innocent person to jail with her stupidity. In both cases, there was an intention to deceive others. Perhaps, some subconscious want to be revered and/or pitied was at play as well. It just seems to me that there should be repercussions to deceit.
None of us are perfect. I believe being deceitful or telling half-truths should not be part our moral fiber. I don’t wake up every morning conjuring up ways that I can lie to get ahead in life or business. Ultimately, I understand that anything I stand to earn while lying about my capabilities would be rewarded only in the short-term. I’m not sure what should become of Brian Williams or this woman, but I know that the old saying: what’s done in the dark, eventually comes to light is true. I just wished more people realized it and attempted to live with more integrity than what I see going on.
Czarina’s Lesson: True longevity and trust comes when you serve up the real deal.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 6, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Entrepreneur, Featured, Life
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 5 of 31- A Little Bit of Faith
When I took the leap of faith into the world of entrepreneurship, it was not a decision I made overnight. I literally spent a year and a half trying to find someone in my circle of trust to talk me out of this gnawing urge I had to break free of the corporate shackles. Ever time I spoke to someone about my plan or what I was going through at work, they would say: “it’s time to go, Janine.” I must have heard over ten or more times from mentors and colleagues, “you are looking a for a right time to do this and it will never come”.
I’d like to think I am a spiritual woman. I believe in the power of choice and decisions, but I cannot deny the concept of fate. This idea that everyone has a path that is already paved for them is both wild and mysterious. For over a year, whether I read a scripture, my horoscope or spoke to someone- it seemed there were signs everywhere leading me out of my day job and into my business. I’d read my horoscope and it would tell me have faith. I would speak to someone and they would reassure me that things would be fine when I take this leap. Initially, I intended to stay in my job until June of 2015- I had a whole plan in place and I expected it would work. When I verbalized this to colleagues and friends- they said you’re not going to make it. After being out on maternity leave, I revised my plan to December. Again the message was- you won’t make it to December.
When opportunity knocks…
Here’s the crazy thing, I never made it to December. I resigned at the end of September 2014. Even within that plan, I intended to give eight weeks because I was on a high visibility project and wanted to see my previous employer through. Due to lots of nonsense and backlash surrounding my resignation, I started to rethink my generous eight week notice, but I hung in there. I never made it to the eighth week. I happened upon an event happening in NYC surrounding the future of work and merely inquired. Next thing I knew, I was an invited attendee and I moved my last day up. Remember my initial plan of remaining one more year? It was never meant for me to make it. Shortly after putting in my resignation, I found out the day care I had my two little ones in at my previous employer was going up 30%. I also found out that they would be breaking up our team and transitioning each of us into new roles. The daycare tuition hike alone would have caused me to leave; but then I had an innocent conversation with someone connected to the daycare. This person informed me that my children were being underserved for the money I was already paying. I don’t believe I would have been told this before my resignation. The resignation became the corridor to Pandora’s Box as more and more things started to be revealed to me.
Faith over Fear
I tell you this because I was scared to death of my dreams. Being able to be home with my kids and run a business was a synergy I wanted and needed in the worst way. My journey has been fairly linear until now, because I like to have control over what happens next. I never really have control, but I have always controlled what I could. Having faith and courage to do something I couldn’t entirely envision kept me up at night and made me nervous. I conjured up the worst possible thoughts in my head about the potential for failing and the impact to my family. Even after I took the leap of faith, I spent weeks questioning my decision.
Everything happens for a reason
What I have found five months into this new journey, is the potential for failing, the hardships and sacrifices are far better risks to take than remaining in a situation where your fire is being extinguished daily. None of my fears mattered. What was missing was my faith. Some days I had more faith than others. Having just a little faith has catapulted me into a life and career that far exceeds any plans or expectations I had. I could be crazy, but it felt like my friends, family, colleagues, horoscope and everything else was speaking to me at the precise time I needed them to. All of the signs and subtle pushes were intentional messages from on high to get me where I am today. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I am thankful for the divine intervention that has guided my journey so far.
Czarina’s Lesson: A little bit of faith can take you a long way.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 5, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Business, Featured, Life, Society and HR, Women's Rights
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 4 of 31- Silent Sentinel
March 3rd, 1913 a woman by the name of Alice Paul organized a woman’s suffrage parade of more than 5,000 women participants from every state in the union. This wasn’t just any day, it was President Wilson’s first inauguration. It wasn’t your typical parade, Paul and the participants were marching in the name of woman’s suffrage. Onlookers assaulted the marchers which very quickly escalated to a volatile situation.
Four years later, Alice Paul broke away from the National American Women’s Suffrage Association (NAWSA) to form a more radical delegation of women’s rights activists called the National Women’s Party (NWP). It was also during that time that she assembled the “Silent Sentinels” to protest President Wilson’s ongoing lack of support for women’s suffrage. As pictured above, these women asked the obvious questions: “how long must liberty wait and “what will you do for women’s suffrage”.
Why is this important?
This moment in history verifies what I have been saying in previous posts- when you choose awareness and action over ignorance and inaction- it is a problem. Alice Paul and her fellow suffragists were attacked while police officers pretended not to see the attacks and then they were arrested and put away for seven months. I note that when the NYPD and Ferguson had the center stage last year, I did not choose silence over what I knew, I spoke up and called them out – namely the administration for having a poor system and and even worse practices. As a wife to a detective and someone who grew up with the NYPD, I felt there was no one better to talk about the real issues that were causing the civil unrest than me. In return, I had several men chime in. One said that they hoped for my husband’s sake that I was “hot” and that I must be an “A-1 ball-buster at home”. Another exclaimed ” who is this chick that thinks she knows the NYPD and how to fix the issues- she hasn’t a clue.”
Like Alice Paul, these men found my rhetoric and disposition to be “unladylike” and “radical”. In 2015, it is still the opinion of many men that a woman should know her place. I should be seen and not heard. Since I have an opinion, I must automatically drive my husband insane. If the latter is true, the only way the relationship could be worth it (according to these guys) is if I were “hot”. It is not only pathetic but sad, that I even have this as an anecdote to share.
Here’s the facts: I don’t bust balls for folly, but I certainly will-if warranted. I am allowed to have an opinion and feel empowered to speak up, if I choose. I am very much a lady and also radical when the spirit moves me. I don’t take kindly to anyone telling me when and how I should react. I am confident in my skin and operate on these premises, because my father (a man) constantly drilled me on the importance of being independent and strong. I’ve seen what hair twirling, flirting and “lady-like” behavior gets women in the boardroom. You get smirks, raised eyebrows and side-eye from the women witnessing a weak attempt of a fellow woman trying to be seen as worthy and viable. I simply wish that as women we could just show up unapologetically and be accepted for what we bring to the table.
In conclusion, the men that were spewing this stuff had never been schooled on social media 101 apparently. As such, it never occurred to them that the thread they were bashing me on would be seen by my dad. I can tell you that no matter how old a woman gets, no father takes kindly to people speaking ill of their daughter. My dad had a field day with one of them-to which this gentleman agreed he was in the wrong for making assumptions about who I was because he didn’t like my opinion. While I can’t be sure if these men were truly sorry or just sorry that the father of the conspirator caught them in the act, This situation and others ensure that I will continue to speak out in the future.
The time for women to be paid equitably, treated fairly , and regarded as the awesome human beings we are is now. Alice Paul was fighting this fight over 96 years ago, isn’t it time?
Czarina’s Lesson: When it comes to the fight for civil liberties, what is old is new and what is new is old. There’s no true liberty until everyone is afforded the same opportunities and rights.
