Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 13 of 31- Playing The Game Is Played Out
I just read this story about actress and comedian Mo’Nique speaking about how she was blackballed in Hollywood after having success in the movie “Precious”. Director, Lee Daniels expressed that Mo’Nique hurt her self during the course of the Precious production by “making unreasonable demands and not playing the game”. As far as I’m concerned, she may have been “unreasonable” or even difficult. What I take issue with is the fact that the game isn’t the same for everyone. She was not and will not be the last difficult celebrity to grace a movie stage. Difficult and unreasonable demands of movie stars on set is the kind of fodder that lines tabloids daily. The difficulty doesn’t stop Hollywood from spending millions of dollars supporting projects with some of these people.
This story line is no different to what goes on in Corporate America everyday. I recall just a few years ago being discouraged from filing an EEO claim by an HR person who cautioned me to “play the game”. I even recall women executives in meetings setting women’s suffrage back several decades by giggling, twirling their hair and flirting through negotiations. My question is: what is the game? Is the game that you “shut up, smile and look pretty” as actress Sheryl Lee Ralph suggests? Why is the advice to women in 2015 that we should bat our eyes, smile when we are displeased and not be heard? If the game is about brown-nosing and/or keeping up appearances, I am out.
I’m not suggesting you have outbursts like a child when the spirit moves you ; but a person should be able to demand and communicate needs and wants without it being tied back to some facade you have to keep up to get ahead. It should be the case that any women can show up to the boardroom or the set as she is. We shouldn’t have to apologize for who we are and why we want what we want, Men do it all the time and don’t have to perform in the manner that we are expected to as women.
Who knows? Mo’Nique could very well have been terrible to work with. I just wished we lived in a society that treated like instances equally. In this case, that would mean blackballing every actor or actress that is difficult. The truth is money is spent on people that are liked, can bring in revenue and “look” and “act” the part. I wasn’t that person when I worked in Corporate America and Mo’Nique isn’t that for Hollywood unfortunately,
Czarina’s Lesson: There are limits to equality and fairness where money is the primary concern.
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 12 of 31- What Checks and Balances?
I’m sure many of you have either been following or heard about the Hillary Clinton email debacle. According to a recent CNN Poll, the public seems to be divided on whether or not this is a serious issue or not. In my opinion, the public is right. On one hand, it isn’t terribly damaging at least as far as her run for presidency is concerned. Conversely, it is quite serious and not something that surprised me when I heard about it. I have often found our so- called “checks and balances” to be severely lacking. This email situation is evidence of our inability to dot our “i’s” and cross our “t’s”.
Having previously worked for a government contractor, I witnessed a system that was severely broken and quite antiquated. When I started working in this arena, it was made very clear what my responsibility was for safeguarding company information whether electronic or paper. For all of the red tape and safeguards they put in place there are twice as many bottlenecks and gaps in procedure. In the case of Hillary Clinton, you have to ask how it is that the Secretary of State of the United States of America could think that conducting business on private e-mail out of convenience was in the best interest of the country. Furthermore, when email wasn’t coming from a .gov e-mail no one else in the administration was alarmed enough to insist she had a secure email account?
According to the Global State of Information Security Survey 2015, the most frequent source of data breaches come from inside the organization. If our heads of state seem unconcerned about how information is being transmitted in a time when cyber incidents among employees are up 10% from the previous year- we have a problem. We have only perceived checks and balances. It appears that breaches and other government hot topics of the moment are only serious when they become a threat or media fodder that has to be dealt with.
I’m not vying for a position in government in this lifetime, but it does seem like our leaders could use better discretion, some focus and due diligence as they tend to safeguarding us and this country. If I made decisions based on convenience, I only impact my family and myself. When you are in a position of power, (such as Secretary of State) your “convenient” decisions have larger ramifications. Ultimately, the issue is bigger than Hillary Clinton, but for now let us all sip tea and watch her be berated for an ongoing government problem. I sincerely hope we do better going forward.
Czarina’s Lesson: The convenient option sometimes leads to an inconvenient result.
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 11 of 31- Knowing When To Move On
Whether it be people, places or things we all need to know when to move on. Moving on is complicated. There’s emotional attachment, complex circumstances that often times impede the process, but nevertheless you have to be able to see when your season is changing or shifting. When I was younger, I saw the signs that let me know it was time to cut something off, but my actions propelled me to hang in there with people and situations that were already moving on. I was outgrowing them and they were outgrowing me and we were essentially trying to make something last past its time.
Case and point, I had a friend in my 20’s that essentially used me. My mom warned me over and over again that she was a user and manipulator. I knew her requests and taking were consistent with my mom’s warning, but I saw my withdrawal from the friendship as me not being a good friend. In time, my life accelerated at the speed of light and she carried on as well, but would pop in and out as it suited her. It was only at the time that I started making room for new people and things in my life-that I finally saw that she was everything my mom said.
So…I pulled back a little and then a little bit more- until suddenly she disappeared completely. In the past seven years, I have heard from her twice. Each time, she has been in turmoil and looking for advice. The moment that I completely knew I was done was when I shared the news of an accolade I achieved last October. I sent a short text to let some of my colleagues and girlfriends know I was in Black Enterprise asking for support. Guess who never had a moment to send well wishes or a congratulations? It’s not important for you to know how I have supported her, but it is necessary that you understand that you must constantly evaluate the people, circumstances and things in your life that are no longer a fit.
I have become more brazen and deliberate in my thirties. The way I manage my relationships and friendships goes a little something like this: If you are negative, I get rid of you. If you are a taker and never give, I will get rid of you. If I get the sense, that you can only share in my sorrow and not in my joy, I will cut you off. 2006 was the year I started purging my life of people who were no longer a piece to my puzzle. In that time, I have gotten rid of and/or allowed divine intervention to remove approximately 5-6 people who could no longer remain in my circle of trust. In return, I now have a solid group of friends and acquaintances that are aligned with where I am now and where I’m going in the future.
Czarina’s Lesson: There’s a huge world of people and new experiences waiting for you. Don’t hold on to people or situations out of obligation; hold on because they add value.
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 10 of 31- Blossoming In Time
I am an impatient being when it comes to achieving my goals. The past few years, I have been researching, developing and working tirelessly to position myself and my business for success. Admittedly, many of my efforts have lead to immediate results. Yet, many other efforts seem to need some more time. The waiting and anticipation of what’s to come is something I am still learning to cope with. At times, I feel like Veruca Salt in Charlie and The Chocolate Factory- “I want it now!”. I promise I’m not a “bad egg”, just really passionate about my work. Understanding that things blossom in time is a lesson I am continuously learning.
There are relationships, connections and discussions I had two or more years ago that are finally coming to fruition now. While it wasn’t comical at the time when I was secretly praying for instant gratification, I get a good chuckle when one of my seeds bloom. My internal dialogue is usually something like: “You’re a wild boy, G-d. It was never about my timeline, but more about providing in time- wasn’t it?”
If you garden, you know when you plant things you have a few potential outcomes:
1) What you plant blooms in season.
2) Some of what you plant doesn’t bloom at all.
3) Your garden flourishes but is somehow compromised by an animal, some anomaly in the soil etc.
The same holds true to any of our efforts. Some are realized now. Some are compromised and others never see the light of day. As an entrepreneur and human, I am learning to be patient with the journey and creative process. Everything looks and feels like punishment in the moment as I lay in wait, but in hindsight I am always grateful for how things turn out. We are all blossoming in time- perfectly crafted and poised to share our gifts when the moment is right.
Czarina’s Lesson: Trust and respect your journey.
Here’s a little Friday fun with Veruca Salt’s “I Want it Now” from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 9 of 31- Chin Up, Dear!
From my teens and through my early twenties, I had this dream to become a model. When you live in NY, you don’t just sit on that dream you get on a train and hit the concrete jungle to make it happen. It was a grind that I loved. Between going to school and working I was combing the web for auditions whether they were for dance or modeling open calls. I went a long time without representation and that is its own bag of tricks. For those of you who have either danced, modeled or acted you know it involves a rollercoaster of emotions. You go from being really excited one moment to having that lump in your throat right before you get called to do your thing. Then there’s the aftermath. This is the affect of your ruminations about how you did on the audition; peppered with the comments and facial expressions made by the casting team.
Having been in the industry at a time, the one thing I can tell you is that you have to have really thick skin. It is a very connected, clique-y profession. As a newbie, I was fresh meat and vulnerable to any criticism they wanted to make. You knew which girls had an established rapport. They didn’t even need their portfolio- it was “kiss-kiss and hug-hug and oh we missed you the other night at X lounge in Soho and they got the gig”. The one casting director that sticks out in my mind is a guy who was launching an urban brand. He was coming up on the heels of the urban fashion movement of the late 90’s and early 2000’s. He suggested that I get a nose job and consider getting veneers to close up the gap between my teeth. I was forthright in telling him I would do none of the above, but the more time I spent in the industry hearing similar suggestions it began to wear on me. Momentarily, you start thinking should I get the nose job or the veneers? The pressures to look a certain way wear on you with time, if you don’t check it.
Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.
The last straw was when I went to a dance/model audition for a notable rap artist who shall remain nameless. The director called me up after the audition to offer me the part in the video along with parts in upcoming videos he was directing with the likes of Alicia Keys and other artists. The one condition he had was I had to go out with him and his friend to drinks and do things I will leave to your imagination. That conversation ended with me telling him: “I am in college, I have a future, a boyfriend, and never call me again”. He got my drift and by some act of God I made it to the final string of auditions for the video. The artist got himself in a jam so we never got to formally shot the video. The artist also tried his hand with me and I had to set him straight as well.
Modeling was fun, but it was the first time in my life that I truly had to learn to live with rejection, being scrutinized and having to defend my standards and worth. It was a lot to deal with at the time, but I have been really thankful for the experience the past few years. When I’ve had to face rejection in the workplace or have been under scrutiny in a job; I always remember my modeling days and suddenly the situation doesn’t hold as much weight. I just tell myself “chin up, dear” you got this. Every time you show up to start a new job, project or make a life change it is like an audition. It could go really well or you could fail. Either way, the only thing that is sure in that moment is you showing up and doing what is needed. The rest is out of your hands. I also learned that you are nothing in this world if you don’t have a standards or values. I could have caved and acquiesced the director’s request and went on to do some huge projects that could have catapulted my modeling career, but at what cost- my dignity, worth, future husband (who was my then boyfriend)?
I walked away from modeling with my head held high and no regrets. I ultimately knew I had great things in store for me as a college student and professional. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy striking-a-pose once in a while, but modeling now serves as a distant memory and a lesson of fashionably sashaying away from things in life that compromise your worth.
Czarina’s Lesson: Everything in life is connected. It’s up to you to make the connections and recognize the lessons.
