by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 12, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Business, Featured, Life, Women in Business
Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 9 of 31- Chin Up, Dear!
From my teens and through my early twenties, I had this dream to become a model. When you live in NY, you don’t just sit on that dream you get on a train and hit the concrete jungle to make it happen. It was a grind that I loved. Between going to school and working I was combing the web for auditions whether they were for dance or modeling open calls. I went a long time without representation and that is its own bag of tricks. For those of you who have either danced, modeled or acted you know it involves a rollercoaster of emotions. You go from being really excited one moment to having that lump in your throat right before you get called to do your thing. Then there’s the aftermath. This is the affect of your ruminations about how you did on the audition; peppered with the comments and facial expressions made by the casting team.
Having been in the industry at a time, the one thing I can tell you is that you have to have really thick skin. It is a very connected, clique-y profession. As a newbie, I was fresh meat and vulnerable to any criticism they wanted to make. You knew which girls had an established rapport. They didn’t even need their portfolio- it was “kiss-kiss and hug-hug and oh we missed you the other night at X lounge in Soho and they got the gig”. The one casting director that sticks out in my mind is a guy who was launching an urban brand. He was coming up on the heels of the urban fashion movement of the late 90’s and early 2000’s. He suggested that I get a nose job and consider getting veneers to close up the gap between my teeth. I was forthright in telling him I would do none of the above, but the more time I spent in the industry hearing similar suggestions it began to wear on me. Momentarily, you start thinking should I get the nose job or the veneers? The pressures to look a certain way wear on you with time, if you don’t check it.
Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.
The last straw was when I went to a dance/model audition for a notable rap artist who shall remain nameless. The director called me up after the audition to offer me the part in the video along with parts in upcoming videos he was directing with the likes of Alicia Keys and other artists. The one condition he had was I had to go out with him and his friend to drinks and do things I will leave to your imagination. That conversation ended with me telling him: “I am in college, I have a future, a boyfriend, and never call me again”. He got my drift and by some act of God I made it to the final string of auditions for the video. The artist got himself in a jam so we never got to formally shot the video. The artist also tried his hand with me and I had to set him straight as well.
Modeling was fun, but it was the first time in my life that I truly had to learn to live with rejection, being scrutinized and having to defend my standards and worth. It was a lot to deal with at the time, but I have been really thankful for the experience the past few years. When I’ve had to face rejection in the workplace or have been under scrutiny in a job; I always remember my modeling days and suddenly the situation doesn’t hold as much weight. I just tell myself “chin up, dear” you got this. Every time you show up to start a new job, project or make a life change it is like an audition. It could go really well or you could fail. Either way, the only thing that is sure in that moment is you showing up and doing what is needed. The rest is out of your hands. I also learned that you are nothing in this world if you don’t have a standards or values. I could have caved and acquiesced the director’s request and went on to do some huge projects that could have catapulted my modeling career, but at what cost- my dignity, worth, future husband (who was my then boyfriend)?
I walked away from modeling with my head held high and no regrets. I ultimately knew I had great things in store for me as a college student and professional. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy striking-a-pose once in a while, but modeling now serves as a distant memory and a lesson of fashionably sashaying away from things in life that compromise your worth.
Czarina’s Lesson: Everything in life is connected. It’s up to you to make the connections and recognize the lessons.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 5, 2015 | Ask Czarina, Business, Featured, Life, Society and HR, Women's Rights
Series Introduction
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 4 of 31- Silent Sentinel
March 3rd, 1913 a woman by the name of Alice Paul organized a woman’s suffrage parade of more than 5,000 women participants from every state in the union. This wasn’t just any day, it was President Wilson’s first inauguration. It wasn’t your typical parade, Paul and the participants were marching in the name of woman’s suffrage. Onlookers assaulted the marchers which very quickly escalated to a volatile situation.
Four years later, Alice Paul broke away from the National American Women’s Suffrage Association (NAWSA) to form a more radical delegation of women’s rights activists called the National Women’s Party (NWP). It was also during that time that she assembled the “Silent Sentinels” to protest President Wilson’s ongoing lack of support for women’s suffrage. As pictured above, these women asked the obvious questions: “how long must liberty wait and “what will you do for women’s suffrage”.
Why is this important?
This moment in history verifies what I have been saying in previous posts- when you choose awareness and action over ignorance and inaction- it is a problem. Alice Paul and her fellow suffragists were attacked while police officers pretended not to see the attacks and then they were arrested and put away for seven months. I note that when the NYPD and Ferguson had the center stage last year, I did not choose silence over what I knew, I spoke up and called them out – namely the administration for having a poor system and and even worse practices. As a wife to a detective and someone who grew up with the NYPD, I felt there was no one better to talk about the real issues that were causing the civil unrest than me. In return, I had several men chime in. One said that they hoped for my husband’s sake that I was “hot” and that I must be an “A-1 ball-buster at home”. Another exclaimed ” who is this chick that thinks she knows the NYPD and how to fix the issues- she hasn’t a clue.”
Like Alice Paul, these men found my rhetoric and disposition to be “unladylike” and “radical”. In 2015, it is still the opinion of many men that a woman should know her place. I should be seen and not heard. Since I have an opinion, I must automatically drive my husband insane. If the latter is true, the only way the relationship could be worth it (according to these guys) is if I were “hot”. It is not only pathetic but sad, that I even have this as an anecdote to share.
Here’s the facts: I don’t bust balls for folly, but I certainly will-if warranted. I am allowed to have an opinion and feel empowered to speak up, if I choose. I am very much a lady and also radical when the spirit moves me. I don’t take kindly to anyone telling me when and how I should react. I am confident in my skin and operate on these premises, because my father (a man) constantly drilled me on the importance of being independent and strong. I’ve seen what hair twirling, flirting and “lady-like” behavior gets women in the boardroom. You get smirks, raised eyebrows and side-eye from the women witnessing a weak attempt of a fellow woman trying to be seen as worthy and viable. I simply wish that as women we could just show up unapologetically and be accepted for what we bring to the table.
In conclusion, the men that were spewing this stuff had never been schooled on social media 101 apparently. As such, it never occurred to them that the thread they were bashing me on would be seen by my dad. I can tell you that no matter how old a woman gets, no father takes kindly to people speaking ill of their daughter. My dad had a field day with one of them-to which this gentleman agreed he was in the wrong for making assumptions about who I was because he didn’t like my opinion. While I can’t be sure if these men were truly sorry or just sorry that the father of the conspirator caught them in the act, This situation and others ensure that I will continue to speak out in the future.
The time for women to be paid equitably, treated fairly , and regarded as the awesome human beings we are is now. Alice Paul was fighting this fight over 96 years ago, isn’t it time?
Czarina’s Lesson: When it comes to the fight for civil liberties, what is old is new and what is new is old. There’s no true liberty until everyone is afforded the same opportunities and rights.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 12, 2014 | Business, Featured, Life, Talent Management, Women in Business
Images courtesy of Wikimedia
Our modern day Rosie the Riveter, Sheryl Sandberg is at it again with a new campaign called “Ban Bossy”. It is a campaign that was launched on Monday as a collaborative effort between Girl Scouts USA and LeanIn.org to empower young girls to be leaders without the fear of being labeled “bossy”. She has some celebrities and/or notable women and men helping her to propel the reach of the campaign like Mrs. Carter herself Beyoncé and Condoleezza Rice among others.
As a woman who has two young girls, I appreciate the sentiment behind the campaign, but it ends there. “Bossy” is the least of what women are called in the workplace for being strong-willed, knowledgeable in their craft and determined. Unfortunately, the reality of being a woman and a leader of color in the workplace also has its own distinct challenges. As a mother, leader and professional, I strive constantly to show my daughters that you have to be a no-nonsense kind of gal to get anywhere in business.
A woman’s success in business requires persistence, self-confidence, advocacy and the knowledge that you deserve better- when all you would rather do is retreat in fear of rubbing the very people you are trying to impress the wrong way.
I have reservations about the efficiency of banning a word in hopes that it will get more girls to realize their worth and fight the good fight when they eventually become professionals in the workplace. From a psychological perspective, words hurt and they are powerful. Therefore, this is an admirable attempt to change the conversation and urge others to use more endearing words. The problem is banning bossy isn’t going to change the blatant and ongoing deficits in pay that women experience in stark contrast to their male counterparts. It will not change the apparent lack of representation of women leaders in organizations across the US. “Ban Bossy” falls short of impacting the very thing that this is all about; which is for organizations to regard women as viable, thinking, worthy, tenacious, dynamic professionals that deserve the same respect, pay, and recognition that males similarly situated have been afforded.
Sometimes leaning in isn’t enough…
I have “leaned-in” and advocated for higher pay. Guess what, I got an “I hear you and I appreciate you” but we can’t do anything for you. I have taken a strong position on issues in organizations where I have worked and watched as my managers sat across from me with smug smirks and nothing else to lend to the conversation. I have also been the best qualified person in the room to handle a job and watched on as a less qualified man took over the reins (under my tutelage) without any accolades being thrown my way. Furthermore, I have had women in leadership try to derail my career or diminish the value of my talents out of fear that I was conspiring to take their jobs.
How does banning a word prepare my daughters or any other young women for those disappointments?
Our challenge in prepping our young women for leadership is not dependent on what they may be called but on the unfortunate reality they will face in trying to achieve, learn and become leaders. We owe them the reality of the struggle and the blueprint to navigate it so the journey doesn’t “sting” as much- nevermind being called “bossy”.
Where’s the cavalry of all of these successful women that have “leaned-in”? Are they on the frontlines making sure that situations like what I have experienced don’t happen to women in organizations anywhere? Until I hear data and evidence around how this campaign is changing perceptions and subsequent actions in Corporate America- I will reserve my right to teach my girls about the reality of leadership for women via my School of Hard Knocks– the truth.
