Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 12 of 31- What Checks and Balances?
I’m sure many of you have either been following or heard about the Hillary Clinton email debacle. According to a recent CNN Poll, the public seems to be divided on whether or not this is a serious issue or not. In my opinion, the public is right. On one hand, it isn’t terribly damaging at least as far as her run for presidency is concerned. Conversely, it is quite serious and not something that surprised me when I heard about it. I have often found our so- called “checks and balances” to be severely lacking. This email situation is evidence of our inability to dot our “i’s” and cross our “t’s”.
Having previously worked for a government contractor, I witnessed a system that was severely broken and quite antiquated. When I started working in this arena, it was made very clear what my responsibility was for safeguarding company information whether electronic or paper. For all of the red tape and safeguards they put in place there are twice as many bottlenecks and gaps in procedure. In the case of Hillary Clinton, you have to ask how it is that the Secretary of State of the United States of America could think that conducting business on private e-mail out of convenience was in the best interest of the country. Furthermore, when email wasn’t coming from a .gov e-mail no one else in the administration was alarmed enough to insist she had a secure email account?
According to the Global State of Information Security Survey 2015, the most frequent source of data breaches come from inside the organization. If our heads of state seem unconcerned about how information is being transmitted in a time when cyber incidents among employees are up 10% from the previous year- we have a problem. We have only perceived checks and balances. It appears that breaches and other government hot topics of the moment are only serious when they become a threat or media fodder that has to be dealt with.
I’m not vying for a position in government in this lifetime, but it does seem like our leaders could use better discretion, some focus and due diligence as they tend to safeguarding us and this country. If I made decisions based on convenience, I only impact my family and myself. When you are in a position of power, (such as Secretary of State) your “convenient” decisions have larger ramifications. Ultimately, the issue is bigger than Hillary Clinton, but for now let us all sip tea and watch her be berated for an ongoing government problem. I sincerely hope we do better going forward.
Czarina’s Lesson: The convenient option sometimes leads to an inconvenient result.
Every year, I like to find a different way of celebrating my favorite day: my birthday. Since I am turning 32 next month (I know…awww…), I’ve decided to share 32 revelations I have had during the course of my life about everything from life in general to business. Think of it as daily inspiration for you and therapy for me. It is a challenge for me, because I don’t think I have ever published a post everyday in the entire existence of The Aristocracy of HR. Plus, I recognize that while I am fairly generous in sharing on social media and here, I have only just scraped the surface on sharing who I am when I’m not pontificating how HR and Business can do better. Let’s use the month of March to get to know one another better. I hope at the end of the month, you walk away with something you can use in your own life or business.
Day 9 of 31- Chin Up, Dear!
From my teens and through my early twenties, I had this dream to become a model. When you live in NY, you don’t just sit on that dream you get on a train and hit the concrete jungle to make it happen. It was a grind that I loved. Between going to school and working I was combing the web for auditions whether they were for dance or modeling open calls. I went a long time without representation and that is its own bag of tricks. For those of you who have either danced, modeled or acted you know it involves a rollercoaster of emotions. You go from being really excited one moment to having that lump in your throat right before you get called to do your thing. Then there’s the aftermath. This is the affect of your ruminations about how you did on the audition; peppered with the comments and facial expressions made by the casting team.
Having been in the industry at a time, the one thing I can tell you is that you have to have really thick skin. It is a very connected, clique-y profession. As a newbie, I was fresh meat and vulnerable to any criticism they wanted to make. You knew which girls had an established rapport. They didn’t even need their portfolio- it was “kiss-kiss and hug-hug and oh we missed you the other night at X lounge in Soho and they got the gig”. The one casting director that sticks out in my mind is a guy who was launching an urban brand. He was coming up on the heels of the urban fashion movement of the late 90’s and early 2000’s. He suggested that I get a nose job and consider getting veneers to close up the gap between my teeth. I was forthright in telling him I would do none of the above, but the more time I spent in the industry hearing similar suggestions it began to wear on me. Momentarily, you start thinking should I get the nose job or the veneers? The pressures to look a certain way wear on you with time, if you don’t check it.
Image courtesy of Janine Truitt and Gap Inc.
The last straw was when I went to a dance/model audition for a notable rap artist who shall remain nameless. The director called me up after the audition to offer me the part in the video along with parts in upcoming videos he was directing with the likes of Alicia Keys and other artists. The one condition he had was I had to go out with him and his friend to drinks and do things I will leave to your imagination. That conversation ended with me telling him: “I am in college, I have a future, a boyfriend, and never call me again”. He got my drift and by some act of God I made it to the final string of auditions for the video. The artist got himself in a jam so we never got to formally shot the video. The artist also tried his hand with me and I had to set him straight as well.
Modeling was fun, but it was the first time in my life that I truly had to learn to live with rejection, being scrutinized and having to defend my standards and worth. It was a lot to deal with at the time, but I have been really thankful for the experience the past few years. When I’ve had to face rejection in the workplace or have been under scrutiny in a job; I always remember my modeling days and suddenly the situation doesn’t hold as much weight. I just tell myself “chin up, dear” you got this. Every time you show up to start a new job, project or make a life change it is like an audition. It could go really well or you could fail. Either way, the only thing that is sure in that moment is you showing up and doing what is needed. The rest is out of your hands. I also learned that you are nothing in this world if you don’t have a standards or values. I could have caved and acquiesced the director’s request and went on to do some huge projects that could have catapulted my modeling career, but at what cost- my dignity, worth, future husband (who was my then boyfriend)?
I walked away from modeling with my head held high and no regrets. I ultimately knew I had great things in store for me as a college student and professional. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy striking-a-pose once in a while, but modeling now serves as a distant memory and a lesson of fashionably sashaying away from things in life that compromise your worth.
Czarina’s Lesson: Everything in life is connected. It’s up to you to make the connections and recognize the lessons.
There are extreme cases of “leaning-in” and women asserting themselves in the workplace. In fact, the asserting is more like aggression and the leaning isn’t necessarily “in” but rather on the backs of other employees.
What am I talking about?
I am referring to mean girls in leadership. These are the women that have been given reign over a group of employees and are wielding this perceived power as though it is Thor’s mallet. They are nasty, condescending, backstabbing and will do anything to destroy other women and/or employees that pose a perceived threat. Some are blatant in their attempts to destroy others. In the most dangerous of instances, they will appear to be friendly, courteous and kind; but all the while they are undermining your every accomplishment with a smile.
True leaders don’t get intimidated by employees who know their craft and execute duly. Instead, they champion the strengths in those individuals and elevate their visibility because they know that their superb work is not only a reflection of the individual’s diligence but a testament to your ability to appreciate the strengths of your team.
In my career, I have had at least three lunatics for bosses that just-so-happen to be women. If I am to generalize their behaviors that allow me to categorize them as “lunatics” here is your description:
1) They all were overly friendly to the point that you thought at times you were speaking to one of your girlfriends.
2) They all randomly snapped leading them to micromanage work, lie to create performance issues that were non-existent, and pick fights like grade-school children would in the school yard.
3) Nothing was ever what it seemed with any of them. If you thought you were performing well, you were really doing terrible. Good equals bad and suddenly nothing regarding my employment under their tutelage made sense.
Everything in me despises this sort of toxicity in leadership. Someone is bound to try to challenge me on why I am singling out “women”. Here is your answer: yes, there are bad bosses everywhere and they all aren’t women. Happy? I’m not, because I think these mean girls are a distraction to the overall women’s movement toward total equality and recognition.
I also wonder why companies who see extreme turnover, loss of productivity, or low morale in various departments headed by leaders like this don’t put their foot down and remove the cancer. It’s not reasonable to be nice or to say that this person drives business. Isn’t it far more costly to the business if you have unproductive, disengaged employees?
Stop speaking about issues in leadership like the solution is not within your grasp. You have the ability to shape your employee ecosystem. You also have the ability to create a culture of integrity, respect and all other virtues that attract candidates, retain employees and woo customers.
I am sick of the mean girl game and I am tired of employers dialing-it-in because they don’t want to deal with leadership issues. Additionally, I am disappointed in HR for not being more vociferous and actionable about the negative impact these sorts of leaders have on the organization.
I share some tips on how you can deal with the mean girls of leadership in your organization at the end of the video. Check out my latest “Ask Czarina” episode below.
Our modern day Rosie the Riveter, Sheryl Sandberg is at it again with a new campaign called “Ban Bossy”. It is a campaign that was launched on Monday as a collaborative effort between Girl Scouts USA and LeanIn.org to empower young girls to be leaders without the fear of being labeled “bossy”. She has some celebrities and/or notable women and men helping her to propel the reach of the campaign like Mrs. Carter herself Beyoncé and Condoleezza Rice among others.
As a woman who has two young girls, I appreciate the sentiment behind the campaign, but it ends there. “Bossy” is the least of what women are called in the workplace for being strong-willed, knowledgeable in their craft and determined. Unfortunately, the reality of being a woman and a leader of color in the workplace also has its own distinct challenges. As a mother, leader and professional, I strive constantly to show my daughters that you have to be a no-nonsense kind of gal to get anywhere in business.
A woman’s success in business requires persistence, self-confidence, advocacy and the knowledge that you deserve better- when all you would rather do is retreat in fear of rubbing the very people you are trying to impress the wrong way.
I have reservations about the efficiency of banning a word in hopes that it will get more girls to realize their worth and fight the good fight when they eventually become professionals in the workplace. From a psychological perspective, words hurt and they are powerful. Therefore, this is an admirable attempt to change the conversation and urge others to use more endearing words. The problem is banning bossy isn’t going to change the blatant and ongoing deficits in pay that women experience in stark contrast to their male counterparts. It will not change the apparent lack of representation of women leaders in organizations across the US. “Ban Bossy” falls short of impacting the very thing that this is all about; which is for organizations to regard women as viable, thinking, worthy, tenacious, dynamic professionals that deserve the same respect, pay, and recognition that males similarly situated have been afforded.
Sometimes leaning in isn’t enough…
I have “leaned-in” and advocated for higher pay. Guess what, I got an “I hear you and I appreciate you” but we can’t do anything for you. I have taken a strong position on issues in organizations where I have worked and watched as my managers sat across from me with smug smirks and nothing else to lend to the conversation. I have also been the best qualified person in the room to handle a job and watched on as a less qualified man took over the reins (under my tutelage) without any accolades being thrown my way. Furthermore, I have had women in leadership try to derail my career or diminish the value of my talents out of fear that I was conspiring to take their jobs.
How does banning a word prepare my daughters or any other young women for those disappointments?
Our challenge in prepping our young women for leadership is not dependent on what they may be called but on the unfortunate reality they will face in trying to achieve, learn and become leaders. We owe them the reality of the struggle and the blueprint to navigate it so the journey doesn’t “sting” as much- nevermind being called “bossy”.
Where’s the cavalry of all of these successful women that have “leaned-in”? Are they on the frontlines making sure that situations like what I have experienced don’t happen to women in organizations anywhere? Until I hear data and evidence around how this campaign is changing perceptions and subsequent actions in Corporate America- I will reserve my right to teach my girls about the reality of leadership for women via my School of Hard Knocks– the truth.
