by Janine Nicole Dennis | Apr 2, 2013 | Life
It has been humbling to see such an array of posts from some phenomenal women unfold and being received by women of every demographic in the celebration of my birthday. I really can’t thank my “Leading Ladies” roster enough for their contributions.
In as much as the series has been about me, it really isn’t. Sometimes we go through life and the motions never stopping to take a moment to think about the road traveled. Each of the women in this series had to take a real and in some cases a difficult look back to how they arrived where they are today. In many cases, there were several drafts, thoughts of how vulnerable they wanted to be and still great gratitude for going through the process.
I didn’t just play editor-in-chief. I took the journey with them. I laughed, I pumped my fist and some even made me cry. Not because the stories were tragic, but because collectively I saw me in each and every one of these women. Week after week, my road to thirty became clear as I read each post and realized I am not alone in my thoughts, actions and struggles. The roster was made up of different ages, races, geographies, perspective etc. Still, the message was clear and consistent- leading ladies are about more than being a celebrity or a person of importance. We make things happen, we fail, we ground ourselves in our familial values and culture, we learn, we share, we support one another and everyone else.
Have we arrived?
The answer is “yes” and “no”. The truth is while this collective roster practices what they preach many of us “in real life” do not. There are some of us who are bashing, catty, jealous, and very singular in their approach to life. I’d like to think these types are the minority, but I encounter them more often than I would like to. If nothing else, I hope that this series has inspired all that have read it to deviate from those behaviors, love themselves and champion others.
The journey is the destination.
In other news, we all have a sense that no opportunity is beyond us. We have the ability to grab what we want with fewer obstacles than previous generations. Essentially, we can have it all if we want or we can have bits and pieces. The choice remains with us. The challenges of balancing our ambitions with the reality of life still exist. However, audacity and perseverance has squelched some of those concerns as well. Perhaps, it is the case that we haven’t arrived; but I do believe we are almost there.
Many thanks to all of you that have supported the series. Whether man or woman there is something to be admired about those that are willing to share themselves for the purposes of helping others.
The “Leading Ladies” posts may be over for now, but the movement continues.
Stay Tuned!
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 28, 2013 | Life
This is the ninth post in my “Leading Ladies” series and I am excited to be ending it with someone that is channelling my energy, Salima Nathoo. We are not only collaborating on Social HR Camp NYC (shameless plug: come see us on Saturday, April 20th). We are both about to unleash new concepts into the social space through new ventures. We will then find ourselves in Chicago together for SHRM National as members of the social media team in June.
I guess in short it is the year of Salima and Janine. She’s a great lady and someone whose mantras make a difference in my day often. Pay attention! Here she is…
Human Potential and Pancakes
What does the International House of Pancakes (IHOP) have to do with being a leading lady? Everything.
“International” was the first multi-syllable word I learned to spell. I used to drive past an IHOP on my way to daycare and my dad had me spell it out daily as part of his “knowledge is everywhere, no excuses” campaign. I was four at the time. My father, who was a coach and a friend, was also my very first brand strategist; teaching how my culture, history, and gender – my story – were competitive advantages. I grew up being encouraged to educate myself because it was the one thing that could not be taken away from me by a man or an ineffective leader who didn’t align with the way I chose to show up. I believed I could do or be anything I wanted to, as long as it was rooted in my identity and values, and honored service to others along the way.
“When I grow up I’m going to be the Indian Oprah. My mom said I could.”
My parents have always been my role models. They came to Canada from East Africa in the early 70’s on the last plane out of Uganda in the Idi Amin era and relinquishing their retail businesses to a socialist government in Tanzania. They were in their 20’s and supported their families, sacrificing a formal education to make ends meet. At the age of 35, my mom single-handedly ran a new business and raised a newborn + two more children under the age of 10, while nursing my dad back to health from a quadruple bypass. The woman with the stylish knee-length boots and cape atop a skyscraper, wielding a certificate in secretarial studies and saving the world…is my mom. Being born and educated in the Western world with a Master’s degree, what excuses do I have? Apparently plenty.
My honorary degree in excuses.
I’ve had many of these uninvited houseguests in my head. Some excuses were engineered in the design studio of my mind– I’m not smart enough, thin enough, good enough or I need to be more like so & so. Some have been born from real experiences of marginalization based on age, gender, color or socio-economic status. It didn’t stop me, nor did failing remarkably many times. I’ve learned to “fake it till you make it” and that being underestimated is powerful because it always keeps you one step ahead.
Do we still face barriers as women of all backgrounds and cultures? Yes. We read stories about women who had to be pregnant in secret as they pitched their tech platforms. Or about leading ladies who are acknowledged more for their appearance than their intellect or achievement. While we may still get grounded in unhelpful ways like a plane delayed from takeoff, we are certainly more grounded today in ways that allow us the freedom to live our truth as women and leaders.
It’s taken me a few decades to stop hoarding excuses. To recognize that there is no direction but upward, outward and forward and that every path to meaningful success starts with looking inward. The journey has helped me realize that now is always the right time to ‘Show Up, Be Curious and Raise the Game’ ©. Today, I’m getting ready to share this with leaders and organizations to help them elevate their human potential in the 21st century.
“I had no idea that being your authentic self could make me as rich as I’ve become. If I had, I’d have done it a lot earlier.” – Oprah Winfrey
Me too Oprah, me too.
Bio
Salima Nathoo is a Business Strategist & Speaker, and Partner atSocialHRCamp. She works with those companies at the front of the pack as a strategic partner to build powerful leadership ecosystems, manage change at the human level and leverage social media for HR. Her big thinking approach and expertise in learning-design and facilitation helps companies experience authentic conversations, drive innovation and increase the level of joy and fulfillment at work and at play. Salima’s mission is to ‘elevate human potential’ through Conscious Disruption © by empowering individuals and organizations to ‘Show Up, Be Curious and Raise the Game’ © .
Say hello to Salima on LinkedIn or Twitter.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 27, 2013 | Life
This is the eighth post in my “Leading Ladies” series. I am extra excited for this one because it is in celebration of my 30th birthday. In fact, the entire series has been about celebrating my birthday by celebrating phenomenal women. I am a huge fan of Sarah’s Whipper Snapper HR blog. She is witty, a leader and a welcomed voice in the HR community.
How lucky am I that I get a personal happy birthday from her and some wisdom also? I hope you enjoy the post!
Beyond Traditional
Happy Birthday Janine, what a fantastic way to celebrate it! My birthday falls on International Women’s Day, so I extra love this month and topic, and couldn’t be more thrilled to be a part of your series.
To me, a “leading lady” means pursuing a life that fulfills you to your own unique requirements, beyond all traditional bounds of what should fulfill your certain lot. That’s the element that makes her a leader, because she is the first to do something, perhaps not in the world but certainly in her circle. I don’t classify a leader by their presence in the top 2% of excellence, or their socioeconomic circumstances. I classify a leader as someone who sees where they are expected to go, anticipates where they actually want to be and then finds a way there. A true leading lady sees this especially in her role in society and family, and leads by living in a role that fulfils her.
I currently find myself in the young career women role, working as a HR Manager by my early twenties. It was by the least glamorous path that I got there. I was a university graduate by my 21st birthday by being boring. I didn’t take a year off school to see the world, I didn’t continue on to postgraduate study, I didn’t take a few years to get around to a serious job – I didn’t even change my major once! I should have been on the summer music festival tours, and working at a bar. Instead, I was in full-time HR work the day I graduated, and just kept on working.
I sacrificed those school day friendships. Friends were starting to do backpacking tours around Europe with each other when I was working a full time job. The tempos of our lives were off kilter, and it was a natural distancing of people.
I sacrificed the fun of being no-strings-attached youth. Instead, my resume counted and I was holding down jobs. I was working so hard every day to be taken seriously despite my youthfulness and inexperience. It can be really demoralizing to walk into an office and know that you need to prove yourself beyond just doing your job because you’re the age of your colleague’s grandchild.
However, the sacrifice paid off, because this is what it means to have a career, and therefore decent earning capacity, at a young age:
- I pay my own way;
- I fall in love with whomever I like;
- I can cut toxic people from my life; and
- I can get a good job wherever I want in the world.
But have I arrived? Well yes, I am really happy with where I am right now. And no, because if I am very honest with myself, I put all this pressure on myself to achieve early because I am so determined to have a career and a family. And I feel my chances of a fulfilling balance of both are increased if I have advanced as far up the career ladder as possible before I decide to have children. I don’t think there’s really any drastic change for women if it still requires you to be exceptional before being excused from the rule of ‘one or the other’.
My family story has shown me the unique pressure I feel my generation is under though. My Grandma had the clearest line of expectations, in that she had to quit her bank job when she married. My mother had the traditional feminist set of expectations that she fought against, as she worked hard to further her education beyond high school and to have a career after raising a family. Now though, I feel the opposite pressure of not throwing away opportunities for further education, of being the best professional I can be, of showing that females are equal in performance to men in every way. It’s like the ambition to be a stay at home mum is a quaint desire for baby-crazed brains. I feel the pressure to play like the boys, and resistant to surrendering dependence to my partner so we can have a family. For a fiercely independent spirit like mine, this is the equilibrium I will find hardest to achieve in my life. However, if I achieve it, maybe I too will have become a leading lady, and that would be incredibly cool.
Bio
My name is Sarah Miller and I’m a Gen-Y HR professional writing about being a Gen-Y in HR, in some thoughtful way on my blog Whipper Snapper HR (whippersnapperhr.blogspot.com) and with little thought on my twitter account @whippasnappahr. I just got a G+ account (gplus.to/whippersnapperhr) too – variety is the spice of life I suppose. Apart from my Social Media shenanigans, I’m a South Australian living and working in Singapore. Previous career aspirations included being a plumber, and being a ferry driver who sang to my passengers on the morning commute. Thankfully, HR seems to be working out well for me.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 25, 2013 | Life
This is the seventh post in my “Leading Ladies” series. I am so blessed to have Joann Corley in my corner. She has a wealth of knowledge and wisdom and like her own voice she inspires me to let my voice be heard fully. If you’ve ever been ashamed of your voice or tried to censor it this is a post for you.
Enjoy!
The Force Within You
I remember during my childhood, becoming aware of a powerful force within me – let’s call it energy. It would surge up in undeniable ways in which it was hard to control – it would drive me to say or do something.
As I matured and became involved in personal development, I came to see that force as my authentic personal power. That surge of energy was my spirit, my voice was demanding to burst out onto the stage of life and from an early age that’s exactly what happened. That inner force continued to compel me to initiate first, act when others wouldn’t or hesitated…and there I was – out in front.That led me from being compelled to lead from the inside out to being appointed or asked to lead. Once you’re out there, folks just keep asking you to stay there.
I remember teaching my own swimming classes at the age of 14. I even found myself writing very opinionated letters to the congregation as one of the youngest ministry leaders in my church at the age of 16. It was clear early – leading wasn’t what I did, it was who I was.
Soon I learned through college and into my early working years, that this willingness to initiate and put yourself out there would serve me well and was a lot of fun! It was easier to build relationships, get cool assignments, and stay employed. In my entire career, I’ve never collected unemployment. Certainly, there were periodic employment gaps, but luckily not for very long.
When I finally launched my own company in 1998, acquiring clients certainly was a challenge, but in retrospect not nearly as hard as it would have been had I not been an “out in front kind of person” during my career.
All along, every step of the way – that force – that surge of energy was ever present, unwilling to be denied. Oh yes, there were times I tried to suppress it – it was annoying. I wanted it to be quiet – to give me a rest. But it wouldn’t!
There were also times it didn’t match what was going on around me. When I expressed it, I appeared odd or going against the grain; and even invited ridicule causing much heartache. And yet, it was ever relenting. I could only hold it in or modify its authenticity. I certainly couldn’t ignore it for logical reasons. My inner energy would have none of it!
To this day it keeps asking to be acknowledged and expressed. The result of which has been years of service in ministry, coaching, speaking, writing and other roles throughout my professional history.
What I’ve finally learned and come to peace with as a “leading lady” is to let my inner voice be the leader. I surrender to let that inner force lead me so that I can lead others. To let it speak as loud and unique as it needs to be for my full purpose on earth to be holistically and completely expressed.
Ever heard of that quote, “Don’t die with your music still inside you?” It’s like that – don’t continue to exist with your voice not heard. It was given to you for a reason! I remember seeing the singer Pink interviewed. Here’s a quote I’ll never forget. She said “I don’t let anyone speak for me; I have too much to say.”
Imagine for a moment if our many heroes and heroines allowed their voice to be modified or suppressed…where would we and our society as a whole be? Consider: Rosa Parks, Gloria Steinem, John of Arc, Marie Curie, Harriet Tubman, Elizabeth Stanton, and Shirley Chisholm, my mom Marquerite Robinson…just to name a few.
And yet in the latest best seller by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, from her perspective we are still tempering, modifying, and undermining. This suggests that in every era there has and will be a fight to express our authentic voice. Maybe this is the result of how women have been conditioned. Is it harder or easier now? I don’t know – perhaps just different. No matter – our success and happiness is dependent on our collective social growth in this area.
So what does it mean to be a 21st century “leading lady”: Know, acknowledge, respect and allow your inner voice to be your outer voice. Don’t expect it to be like anyone else’s, don’t compare it to others, and don’t temper it to be acceptable and or fit in. Allow it’s full authenticity to be present and to continually reverberate throughout the precious short time you’ll be here on earth.
Bio
JoAnn Corley is the Founder, CEO of The Human Sphere™, a consultancy that helps companies increase profits through holistic talent management. The Human Sphere is a recently launched branding initiative that reflects JoAnn’s plan to use a more comprehensive, consultative approach in helping individuals and companies get more of what they want.
Also check out Joann’s fabulous blogs: The 1% Edge and HR & Management 3.0.
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 20, 2013 | Human, Life
This is the fifth post in my “Leading Ladies” series. I am excited to present Ms. Jocelyn Aucoin.
Bio: Jocelyn Aucoin is deeply interested in the intersection of art, technology, and community and how these connect us. She’s started several businesses over the span of her career, most notably Lujo Records and is currently involved in Social Media and Community in the Silicon Valley. Follow her musings on her blog http://jocelynauco.in/ and on Twitter at@jocelynaucoin sifting through the mystery of life on #FridayTalk 4pm EST.
Careful Wishes
If you remember nothing else from what you’re about to read, remember this: “be careful what you wish for.” You’ve heard people say it and it’s cliché. That’s because it’s true. What are you wishing for right now in this moment? Stop and think. What is your wish? Now step away from it for a second and ask yourself if you’re okay with that wish actually coming true? What would it mean for your life if it did?
As a young girl, I was allowed to live in the wishes of becoming a wife and a mother. There was plenty of guidance in my world for this. However, when it came to having a career, especially one in business, I had no framework. My mother didn’t work. My father didn’t nurture me in this way. Call us 1950’s, but that was the family I grew up in.
Luckily for me, there was an outside world that spoke a different truth to me and I saw there were options. Luckily for me, I had a journal and sketchbook, and I dared to put pen to paper. I observed those who were doing what I wanted to do in the world. I watched, asked questions. Because, while I might not have been given the framework for how to have the career I dreamed of, I sure as hell knew how to take some notes and make a wish!
But somehow in my note taking, somehow in hearing “be careful what you wish for”, I overlooked the “careful” part. I didn’t take the time to consider what it would mean to have these wishes came true. So, when I came to own my own company, become a wife, become a mother, my learning curve was like whoa. I hadn’t planned for this part and I didn’t have anyone to look to who was doing it or had done it before. Apparently I was still in the 1950s. Thankfully I’m not anymore. Anyway, here’s the thing —
Not having a framework or someone to show you the way means kicking your fear to the curb. It means becoming your biggest fan and worst critic and keeping the peace between both. It means being an expert at seeing into a space that is often dimly lit, if lit at all, which means being brave and a bit crazy. It means existing in a state of constant construction, destruction and reconstruction. It means vulnerability and positivity as ways of life, learning as you go, and eating insane amounts of humble pie. It is the definition of “digging deep.”
It’s gnarly, but it’s totally worth it.
All that digging led me down a path that is uniquely mine. I like that. Not having those traditional players to provide guidance in my career allowed unlikely players to step in and help. This, in turn, has given me a huge passion for helping others find their way. I love that. Forgetting about the “careful” part caused me to do things in my life that many in their right mind wouldn’t do. That’s been tough at times, but I’m way better off for it.
I’m so much better off for it, in fact, it seems as though I almost have a framework worked out after all. Or maybe this is just what I’ve learned so far:
Your wishes are who you are at your core. Embrace them – every one of them.
Learn to be resourceful. Be generous with your resources.
Study up. Share what you know.
Help as much as you can. Learn to accept help.
Say “yes!” They’ll be plenty of time to say “no” when you’re dead.
Lead with trust. Trust is courage not weakness.
Always choose love. Definitely choose it when you don’t feel like it.
Let your light shine bright. We need the light of each other so that we can see ourselves.
And last but not least…
Be careful what you wish. If you spend enough time in your wishes, they do come true!
What would you add to this list?
What core lessons have provided your framework for living and leading in the 21st Century?
by Janine Nicole Dennis | Mar 20, 2013 | Life
This is the sixth post in my “Leading Ladies” series. Please rise as the esteemed Sarah Williams takes the podium. I’ve been getting to know Sarah a.k.a. Buzz Rooney over the past year and I am proud to call her friend and just an inspiring and progressive HR professional.
Get your pens and pads out because she is here to drop knowledge.
Mommie Dearest Was Misunderstood
“Mommie Dearest”, the 80s film about the life of actress Joan Crawford and her adoptive children, is one of my favorite movies. And talk about a Leading Lady! Joan Crawford was the epitome of it! Yes, I know Joan was a manic depressive alcoholic who traumatized and abused her children only to leave them with nothing when she died … But when you strip that away, Joan was just a single mom trying to balance her career and maintain some semblance of a love life.
I can relate.
My grandmother married when she was just a teenager. She became an administrator at a hospital. She worked that job until retirement and has been married to my grandfather for 70 years now … My mother married in her early 20s. She became an administrator for the county. She’s been at that job for 40 years now, rising from entry-level to the highest- ranking person in the organization. She’s been married to my father for almost 45 years … I married in my late 20s and we split up about 2 years later. Infidelity, abuse, financial hardship – you name it, he took me through it! And I’m on my 6th employer in 13 years.
Times have definitely changed.
Now I find myself as a single parent trying to balance my career ambitions with my duties as a mom with my desire for a happily ever after with a prince charming of my own. I understand the struggle to remain relevant and add value to an industry where the competition is fierce and the focus keeps changing. I understand the challenge of revealing a soft, tender side after being the person in charge from 9 – 5 and after being hurt, disappointed and abandoned so many times before. And I definitely understand the fear that both your career and romantic decisions will have a harmful impact on your children … while marveling at how they remain so unaffected by it all.
Yep. Mommie Dearest was definitely misunderstood.
Being a Leading Lady isn’t about amassing adoring fans that vie for your attention, hang on your every word or believe everything you say is gospel. It isn’t about having a seemingly perfect job or man or children. Because fans are fleeting and perfection doesn’t exist.
Being a Leading Lady is about living a life of purpose and passion. It’s about being determined to pursue all your dreams. It’s about building an authentic existence.
It requires you to be willing to work hard and love hard. It requires you to be willing to fail then find a way to get back up and try again. It requires you to make tough choices between competing priorities at work and at home. Every day.
Most days, I worry I am doing it wrong and getting it wrong. I worry no one will understand why I do what I do. I worry no one will ever appreciate the sacrifice of my ambition. I worry I will always have to explain and justify this thing I have that would just be a given if I was a man.
Being a Leading Lady isn’t easy. It isn’t glamorous and it isn’t for the faint of heart … But it is worth it. So worth it.
Besides, I don’t know any other way to be.
Bio:
Sarah Williams began blogging under the pen name “Buzz Rooney” in 2011. After 2 years, she made the decision to retire the nickname and cartoon avatar to write and speak under her real name.
Sarah is a practicing HR Professional with over 10 years experience in the light industrial and retail industries. She currently works as the Director of Human Resources for a large retail franchise. She has Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Studies with a focus on Organizational Communication and Leadership as well as a Master’s Degree in Human Resources Management.
When not working or writing, Sarah is a single mom with 2 children living in Raleigh, North Carolina. She enjoys mindlessly watching television, spending time with friends and family, reading, eating and sleeping.
Check Sarah out at Louisiana SHRM from April 7-9 as she exhibits her speakingchops. Go Sarah, Go!
